What could have been: UWEC athletics

    More alternatives for sports

    Sam Johnson

    More stories from Sam Johnson

    The Tator
    December 13, 2022

    Photo by SUBMITTED

    For the first time in what has felt like generations, a sporting event has occurred. The Ultimate Fighting Championship hosted an event on Saturday, May 11. 

    Unfortunately, the event was pay-per-view, so many likely did not get to see it.

    Now that mixed martial arts fans have gotten their cravings satisfied, other sports fans are likely even more frustrated with their drought.  

    Thankfully, I return with more alternatives.

    If you were not interested in seeing people beat each other senseless, I have good news. There are still sports to be watched out there.

    Now, these sports may not be exactly what you hoped for, but they’re far better than nothing.

    Many neighborhood hooligans have been grinding constantly, hoping to return to school a better athlete. I personally have seen several potentially entertaining activities.

    Driveway basketball may lack a majority of the action and athletic feats that the NBA possesses, but it has three of the most important components of the sport: a ball, a hoop and a player.

    If that isn’t basketball, I don’t know what is.

    Throw down a lawn chair and watch those little rascals shoot away. Depending on their level of commitment, you might be able to witness hours of basketball. Who cares if they are terrible?

    In my own backyard, my next-door neighbors have been aggressively perfecting their soccer skills.

    On the off chance I am awake before they go inside for dinner, I get to watch them kick until their legs are about to fall off.

    I may not like soccer, but in other countries, the game is known as football, so close enough.

    For those lucky enough to have American football fans living near them, you can watch them play catch.

    It may lack the physicality and action that the NFL gives us every week, but if a stray dog gets excited, you might be lucky enough to see a hard hit or two.

    If you are willing to be a creep, you could wait until it’s dark out and watch some eSports through a neighbor’s window. You might receive a restraining order and have to move, but all the eSports fans I know are willing to take that risk.

    If you’re unlucky and don’t have any athletic neighbors, consider watching old games or matches on YouTube. Watch the 1987 World Series or Super Bowl 7. Don’t be picky. Who knows, maybe the 1971 Chicago Bulls will become your new favorite team.

    If you have seen every sporting event in history, this won’t work. If this is the case, buy a sports video game of your choosing.

    I know what you’re thinking — you are probably tired of playing video games. Don’t play the game. Assign a computer player to both of the teams and watch to your heart’s content.

    Video games are getting pretty realistic, if you squint hard enough you can pretend it’s the real thing.

    As you can see, there are plenty of quality sports occurring out there — that is, if you lower your standards enough.

    Johnson can be reached at [email protected]