Swing and a Miss

I hear boxing is popular in the package-shipping industry

Thomas DeLapp

More stories from Thomas DeLapp

Swing and a Miss
May 10, 2023

Photo by Marisa Valdez

Do you like violence? If so, then boxing seems to be the sport for you. Watching two people punch the lights out of each other is one of America’s most popular pastimes.

Plus, knowing a little bit about this dainty sport prepares you for those family dinner conversations with your weird cousin who’s just way too into boxing, like, to a suspicious level. Keep those little fists to yourself, Jared. 

But boxing does have a hold in popular culture. Creed III is out in theaters now, reviving the epic legacy of the Rocky movies. Everyone knows the name Muhammad Ali. Do I even have to mention Wii Sports boxing? Someday I will beat Matt and my life will be complete. 

First things first, though. What’s the difference between boxing, wrestling, MMA, kickboxing and all the other ways people like to hit each other? 

From my research, boxing is the oldest. In fact, there’s art depicting formal boxing (like, with rules, not just beating people up) all the way from 1350 B.C. in Egypt. 

Unlike these other combat sports, boxing is confined to fists. Kicking is a no-no, and the boxers wear gloves and some other minimal protective equipment. That’s not to say it’s safe. Mike Tyson could bite your ear off

Wrestling is just wriggling all over the other person. It’s gross. I’m not even gonna look up the rules for that one. I’ll also throw WWE in there too, even though it’s fake and I just can’t understand it. WWE is the definition of camp, but that’s another article.

The fun thing about boxing is that a lot of people do it as just a way to work out. You don’t necessarily have to even fight anybody, you can just bounce around a gym and throw punches at a bag. It’s like angry cardio.

I know a couple folks who use boxing simply for exercise and it definitely seems to be effective. They’re pretty intimidating. 

Amateur boxing seems relatively chill, too — points are given for just landing hits (onto well protected bodies), unlike pro boxing, where the goal is to whup the other person’s tuchus. They get really hurt. Mike Tyson could bite your ear off.

The absolute worst thing about boxing, as far as I can tell, is Logan Paul. I felt obliged to at least mention him and his embarrassing fight against Floyd Mayweather. However, my favorite hobby is not thinking or really knowing much at all about the Pauls, so let’s move on. 

Like I said earlier, Creed III is out now, starring Michael B. Jordan and Jonathan Majors, two of the most yoked dudes on the planet right now. Much like my ancient rivalry with Matt from Wii Sports, the two biggest boys are going against each other, and it’s definitely going to be much more exciting than real-life boxing. 

Plus, in the movies, Mike Tyson can’t bite your ear off.

DeLapp can be reached at [email protected].