The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The Tator: Blu’s death spurs on-campus ritual

UWEC school mascot’s murder found to be an inside job
The Tator: Blu’s death spurs on-campus ritual

Editor’s note: This is a satirical article and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the opinions of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.

It was a dark and stormy night when students gathered together on the campus mall. Halloween itself is filled with superstitions, but this year, UW-Eau Claire students took superstition to a new extreme.

On Monday, Oct. 30, the night before Halloween, outraged students filed onto campus carrying candles and incense, determined to summon their beloved late mascot Blu, and find the cause of their demise.

On Friday, Oct. 27, the first day of Halloweekend, Blu went missing from the campus. The mascot coordinator sent out faculty to search for them, but weren’t too worried, assuming it was a lighthearted Halloween prank, according to Student Body President Lily Fraudulent.

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“The moment we noticed Blu missing we reported it to Chancellor Jim, but he was certain there was no foul play involved, but I could tell something was fishy,” Fraudulent said.

On the morning of the Oct. 30, Blu’s body appeared on the staircase of the Davies Student Center headless and covered in blue blood.

Students and faculty alike were furious, and students decided they needed to take the matter into their own hands, according to Fraudulent.

Second-year architecture student Liv Spurious, president of UW-Eau Claire’s Summoning and Rituals Club, said she has been studying the afterlife since she was an elementary schooler.

As this happened the weekend before Halloween, she knew there was not only foul play involved, but there was a ghostly aspect to Blu’s death.

“Campus is supposed to be a safe place for students, and without apprehending the murderer, how are we supposed to feel secure?” Spurious said. “We need to find the perpetrator, and what better way to do that than to ask Blu themself?”

Spurious led the members of the Summoning and Rituals Club in setting up candles in a pentagram with a photo of Blu in the middle along with a single feather from their wing. Other enraged students stood further away to watch the ritual take place.

Incense was lit, and club members joined hands and began chanting, “Iungere nobis, Blu,” Latin for, “Join us, Blu.”

After three times chanting, silence filled the quad, according to observing student Travis Notreal.

“No one told us to be silent, it was like our voices were silenced. We could all feel it. Blu was with us,” Notreal said.

After a moment, Fraudulent looked up at the sky and called out yelling, “Quid tibi accesist?” which translates to, “What happened to you?”

The moment the words left her mouth, the ground trembled and Fraudulent fell backwards, breaking the circle of club members. There was a poof of blue smoke, and a loud squawk tore across campus.

With this, the spirit of the late mascot vanished again from campus.

Fraudulent turned and faced the students, looking even more enraged than before, according to Notreal.

“Chancellor Jim,” she said.

That was all we the students needed to hear, Notreal said. The massive group turned in the direction of Chancellor Jim Schmidt’s office and surged forward.

“I think everyone was shocked it was an inside job,” Notreal said. “Such a massive betrayal by our own chancellor.”

At midnight on Oct. 30, students broke into Schmidt’s office, and he gave a full confession. He has been missing ever since, and a police search is underway.

“I always thought he was a little suspicious,” Spurious said. “If he doesn’t turn up soon I’ll have to dust off my crystal ball.”

Price can be reached at [email protected].

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