Dear Ask Anything,

-Whisper-forward Woman

Dear Whisper-forward Woman,

It is difficult for me to answer your question because I am not a girl. “Hollaback girl” is not the sort of terminology that I am “down” with. Luckily for you, my old roommate currently lives with three female roommates, and all three wanted to help me discover the answer to your perplexing question.

Besides the fact that I am not a girl, the other reason that, prior to research, I didn’t know what a “hollaback girl” was is probably because I was never on a cheerleading squad. You see, the term is actually a derogatory name for the female leader of a cheerleading squad. This leader, for example T-T-T-Torrance, your captain Torrance from “Bring It On,” would shout a cheer to the crowd at whatever game she was cheering at, and the crowd would “hollaback.”

But hold on, this is not the term’s only meaning. Like all good terms, “hollaback” got stretched from its origin. What “hollaback girl” meant back in the good old days of Gwen Stefani songs declaring she was not a “hollaback girl,” has now changed into something a little bit nastier.

If you were called a “hollaback girl” today, it would probably be intended to mean something to the effect of trollup, trash or ho. A female who can be described as one of those three words tends to be a follower of men and not the actual leader. That is why, when someone thought there needed to be a fifth term describing a female that sleeps with a lot of men, they came up with “hollaback girl.”

But all of this really isn’t important. What is important is your happiness. If you want to be a “hollaback girl,” by all means be one. Don’t let other people, especially Gwen Stefani, run your life. Gwen may threaten to lead a pack that will attack and get a touchdown by taking you out, but if you look at her criminal record, it is much shorter than those of other female rappers who don’t sing about “hollaback girls.” She will not harm you, and that gives you more reason to be a “hollaback girl” if your heart truly desires. The only advice I’d offer is to lean towards being the cheerleader type of “hollaback girl” and not the sleeping-around “hollaback girl” because that way you won’t spend money on protection.

Just remember, the next time you sing the Gwen Stefani song, she is indeed saying “I ain’t no hollaback girl” and not “I ain’t no Harlem fat girl.”

Dear Ask Anything,

-Curiously Caffeinated

There are lots of possibilities to choose from for the answer to your question, so let’s get started.

Let’s say you’re walking down the street in New York. Unlike the Cheers Bar in Boston, where everyone knows your name, the people of New York really don’t recognize a lot of the people who pass them by as they walk to and from work.

Just seeing an ordinary person walk by, it’s easy to just think of them as an average Joe.

A lot of people in New York walk to work, and when they walk in the morning, they need their caffeine fix, which comes from coffee. You see an average Joe, carrying what can only be described as an average drink, and it’s no wonder that the nickname of Joe for coffee just stuck.

On a much more boring and less space-filling note, the term could just come from cross-cultural miscommunication in which people mixed up the words java and jamoke, which are other nicknames for coffee.

The next two have to do with the military, but good luck getting the answer from them; it’s top-classified, Stage 5. Good thing I had some Snickers and a lollipop when I asked them a second time.

The first military origination could possibly be that coffee was the choice drink of the soldiers when out in the field. It kept them awake, more alert, and ultimately was able to take some of the edge off when mixed with some much-needed peppermint Schnapps.

When the term “G.I. Joe” caught on as a way to describe the average soldier, and every average soldier seemingly drank coffee, it was only a natural fit that coffee be called “Joe” because of it being just an average drink, but not good enough to obtain the G.I. status.

Another story from the military suggests that Secretary of the Navy in World War I Josephus “Joe” Daniels banned the serving of any alcoholic beverage onboard a U.S. Navy ship unless on a special occasion. The only drink the Navy then rationed out was coffee, and in order to honor Josephus “Joe” Daniels, who essentially was making them drink coffee, they called the drink the nickname that was given to him, which was Joe.

So there you have curiously caffeinated. Hopefully you made it through the complete answer without having to get a refill on your cup of “Joe.”