Kathlyn HotynskiWith the Bears battling the Colts this weekend in the Super Bowl, I feel this is an important time to discuss proper etiquette for celebrating the biggest game of the year. Follow my simple do’s and dont’s and you’ll go from being the fool of festivities to the life of the party.
Pregame Etiquette
Do: Watch the game with football fans. If you’re a knowledgeable sports fan, it is essential to watch the game with people who know what’s going on. Your girlfriend may be smoking hot, but if you have to explain to her the 3-4 defense, you’ll quickly wish you were single.
Do Not: Ask stupid questions. If you do not understand football, your best bet is to be silent. A quiet friend during the Super Bowl remains a friend afterwards.
Do: Show team spirit. Wear team apparel during the game. Paint your face or chest. Wear a team g-string and really show people you love your team (but not your dignity).
Do Not: Wear the apparel of a team that’s not playing (I’m sorry the Cardinals aren’t in the game. Get over it). Moreover, if you wear the apparel of a different sport, you must watch the game through the window while sitting in snow.
Do: Eat large quantities of food during the game.
Do Not: Eat a salad. I understand that you’re on a strict diet, but diets do not apply on Super Bowl Sunday. Your food groups should consist of the pizza, buffalo wings, chips and beer.
Do Not: Get up to use the restroom during the game. Hold it in big guy! Two reasons for this rule. First, a real fan is not willing to miss one second of the historic action. Second, the second you get up, your seat is gone for the rest of the night. “Quack Quack Seat Back” is only applicable at halftime. Remember: If you get up during the game, you lose your claim.
Game Etiquette
Do: Root for one team or the other. If your team is in the game (my Bears are, so I’m set), then you’ll be sitting pretty. If you don’t care one way or the other, find a person who is rooting for one team, and root for the other.
Do Not: Be a bad sport when things don’t go well for your team. Bludgeoning your friends with a chair will not take the points off the board. Politely say ‘nice play’ and move on.
Halftime Etiquette
Do Not: Watch the halftime show. Janet Jackson’s boob was a fluke. It’s not worth your time, and it always sucks.
Postgame Etiquette
Do: If your team loses, congratulate the fans who were cheering for that team.
Do Not: Slash their tires.
Do: If your team wins, it is your right and duty as a fan to rub it in the face of everyone rooting against your team. Call your friend from high school and tell him about the victory. He’ll appreciate it even if he sounds annoyed. Your team winning the Super Bowl is the same as you winning the Super Bowl. Enjoy it!
Do Not: Stop reminding people that your team won the Super Bowl until the next one. That’s one full year of bragging rights, buddy.
By following this simple set of guidelines, you can make this Sunday the best day of the year. Enjoy, and go Bears!
Kelley is a junior broadcast journalism major and a columnist for The Spectator.
