Dear Ask Anything,
It’s that time of year again, and everybody is scheduling their graduation parties. The problem is two of my friends scheduled parties at the same time! One is at the Brat, and one is at the Pioneer. How do I decide which friend to ditch?
– Party Pam
Dear Pam,
This is the easiest question ever to answer. Go to the Brat; it’s a beacon for fun. While the Pio is OK if you’re with a big group of friends, it’s never as fun as the Brat. Oh wait … the Brat is only fun when wasted though, so go to the Pio, drink as much free beer as you can, then go to the Brat, then come to my grad party at the Court ‘N House. Bullseye.
Dear Ask Anything,
I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up failing out this semester. My girlfriend wants me to move to Africa with her and build habitats for sick monkeys. I don’t know how my parents are going to take all of this news, seeing as how they paid for my school. What should I tell them?
-Monkey Mike
Dear Mike,
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about dropping out … well, I’d have like $5. Screw the monkeys, finish your degree. I know it may not seem like fun now, but hey, at least it’s not Ebola.
Dear Ask Anything,
What is the meaning of life, and what can I do to fully realize my potential? And by that I mean, do you know what is on television tonight?
– Philosophic Phil
Dear Phil,
Seeing as this comes out on Monday, I’m not really sure what’s on TV tonight. The only show I really watch religiously is “Grey’s Anatomy,” but that hasn’t been on in a couple weeks, so I’m kinda going through withdrawal. Anyway, the meaning of life, eh? Well, I suggest you read The FlipSide for that one, as I’m sure at least three people think they know the answer this week. And, they’ll tell you who to vote for in the 2008 election also. Informative.
Realizing your potential? I think the key to that is getting really good at one thing (for example, darts or karaoke) and going pro. For example, I’m currently in training for the world dart league (which I made up) and will be going on tour following my graduation, May 20 (and by tour I mean playing in my parents’ basement).
Ask anything is a weekly question and advice column. Alison Pelleymounter and Erica Dakins are alternating columnists.
