It feels like I’ve been away from Ask Anything for a very long time. If I had a calendar, I would count the weeks for you.
But these past weeks have also been really busy, so I didn’t miss you all that much. Ali and I have been practicing for our World Dart League Awesome Tour, which kicks off this summer. We’ve bedazzled our jackets and found our second stringer, Swamp Box, who hails from a damp bog somewhere north of here.
Ali and I have been at least 10-0 in all the games we’ve played this week, but if one of us should become injured, Swampy will be there to fill in for us. Oh! We have a team song that you should all check out. It’s called “One Night in Bangkok,” by Murray Head. Let’s face it. Ali and I love chess and more specifically, songs about chess.
All right, enough stalling. Let’s get on to the question.
Dear Ask Anything,
Why do they have cigarette depositories outside of every educational building right under a “No Smoking” sign?
– Smoking Robinson
Dear Smoking,
As an illiterate smoker, I can’t say I’ve noticed these signs. I really just throw my cigarette wherever I feel like when I’m done with it. But Sally, the third-grader I’ve hired to type this column for me every week, says they do exist, and so now I have to speculate why.
I’m guessing the signs are some sort of scare tactic. Here are the steps you go through when you approach one of these
non-smoking areas.
1. You see the sign just as you’ve finished pulling a drag off of your tasty Camel Light.
2. After beginning to cough from the shock, you scream “Oh my gosh, I’m totally not supposed to be smoking here!”
3. You start turning around, looking for a place to put out the cigarette.
4. Then you look right below the sign, breathe a sigh of relief, and deposit your cigarette.
5. You breathe another sigh of relief and walk into class.
It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
