Dear Ask Anything,
So . there’s this girl that I dated this summer. I had the time of my life with her and I fell in love. But when we came back to Eau Claire things happened and we decided that we should try being “just friends.” The thing is we still really enjoy hanging out and I still have strong feelings for her. My question boils down to whether it would be romantic or corny to try and write a song for her, and, if it is OK, do you have any suggestions for words that rhyme with Dory?
– Wanna be her Kid Rock
I am a firm believer in the idea that anything a guy does for a girl can be considered romantic, corny or even borderline creepy, depending on the girl’s pre-conceived opinion of the guy.
You’re always hearing these stories about some guy who is always calling some girl or being too sensitive or open with his feelings and how it’s getting creepy, blah, blah, blah. Then that same girl will view the exact same conduct by another guy as romantic or sweet.
Dory could either fall in love with you all over again, or present that forced, awkward smile, then call her friends to alert them of your new stalker status. So my advice as far as writing a song for her is to consider this dynamic before you move forward.
With that in mind, I wrote a full chorus and have ideas for the direction of your verses.
The chorus should be sung in an ominous tone as you lament the sorrow surrounding the terms of your current relationship.
Chorus: “This is the story of me and Dory/ We had a summer of passionate glory/ She wants to be friends, but I want more-y/ This is the story of me and Dory.”
Each verse should begin with a vibrant guitar riff, contrasting your sorrow with signs of hope. Rhyming with descriptive words is pretty easy.
Example: “Your skin is soft to the touch, like mashed potatoes/ my burning love for you is crimson red, like ripe tomatoes.”
Going with the food theme is definitely a clutch move. What do many girls do when they are depressed? On any sitcom I’ve ever seen, they eat chocolate and ice cream as a coping mechanism. So healthy foods could very well evoke feelings of jubilation and hope, since they suggest the absence of depression. Think about it. It just makes sense.
OK. Now that I’ve exploited your situation to the benefit of my pointless rant, I should say that only you know what will really compel her to resume a relationship with you. If, God forbid, she doesn’t love you back, you should know that you can’t manufacture love.
It’s this dynamic that makes love so undecipherable – any idiot can get any girl if she loves him. And I mean idiot as in the typical guy who can’t figure women out, which is all of us.
What I’m saying is go for it. Maybe write your own song though, so you can include healthy foods that she likes, of course.
Ask anything is a weekly question and advice column. Brian Reisinger and Mark Schaaf are alternating columnists.
