The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

    Ask Anything

    DJ Slater’s real name is Dennis John Slater III. That’s not even a joke either. You can look that up in the directory.

    DJ said it goes back to the beginning of high school, when he decided to go by his initials to alleviate confusion when answering the phone or for other communication problems.

    But DJ never had much use for his given name. He is known to many others as “Brother DJ.”

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    Now, “Brother DJ” is no name anyone would self-apply where I come from. But then again, there’s a lot I don’t understand about the dude.

    Why Brother DJ? Well, back in the day, Denny liked to rap a lot and coined the rhyme, “When you need a man who is unlike any other, what else can you do but summon the brother?!” Don’t ever forget there’s an exclamation point there.

    Again, something I’m not quite sure I understand. But two of my roommates who went to high school with DJ informed me that “Brother DJ” has been around at least since his Franklin High School days.

    The rapping days have passed, but there is still nothing about Slater that relaxes you. From the 20-minute phone calls explaining his free iPod scheme to the incessant rambling about pick-up football games, DJ is an odd duck. And that is definitely not a bad thing.

    If Possibility Pete and Patty Practice hooked up, what would they call their love child? I have always been curious about that.
    – Practical Patrick

    For those of you who don’t know, Possibility Pete is the funny little character Career Services came up with to promote their “Explore Your Possibilities Week,” which will be held Monday through Friday.

    During those days, you can register for sessions helping you deal with many unanswered questions you may have, such as what type of major is for you or how to build your resum‚.

    He’s a funny-looking dude.

    Patty Practice, on the other hand, is also a Career Services creation that will mock interview you for a job.

    So it seems with the two being so close, the question becomes whether or not they have ever had intimate relations.

    Now, I spoke with Pete and asked him the question. As expected, he steadfastly denied any flings or even flirting with Practice.

    But then the conversation with Practice, well, let’s just say that’s a different story.

    “Pete is always giving me an earful about how great of a couple we would make,” Practice said. “Ten unreturned phone calls later, I still don’t want anything to do with him.

    “He keeps going on and on about how ‘I would make a great mother for our 10 kids’ and how he already had names picked out, like Piper, Pickles and Practipossiblity. ‘It’s a play on words!’ he says, and I’m just like, ‘Yeah, the names all start with the letter P. I get it.’ ”

    So there you have the names, but the likelihood of the two getting together seems pretty bleak at this point. A mutual friend, Piccadilly Pizza, was unavailable for comment.

    Last week you had someone say they wanted Michael Jordan or Brett Favre to be our chancellor. What do you think our school would be like if they were picked?
    – Sporty Spice

    If Jordan were picked as chancellor, we would have a guy who would go to Minnesota and gamble all of our tuition dollars at a local casino and lose the majority of it. He would have to resign in disgrace, but would be lured back by the possibility of more money to spend on gambling, then resign again, and come back one more time.

    (Michael Jordan had a gambling problem, that’s what makes it a funny joke.)

    So basically, as much as we complain about high tuition, it would be minor compared to what would happen if Jordan ran things.

    But the good thing about Favre is there would definitely not be a shortage of Vicodin on campus. His problem would come when he was trying to deliver important messages to other people, as it would probably get intercepted by the wrong person and they would rarely be able to complete the assigned task.

    If there’s any athlete I’d like to see as our next chancellor, my vote would be for Allen Iverson. He’s a guy who doesn’t care about much except the bling bling, and that’s what this campus is all about, am I wrong?

    He would represent the typical student. Lazy, doesn’t study hard enough (or in his case, practice) and complains a lot about authority.

    So in closing, get out to the polls and vote Allen Iverson for UW-Eau Claire chancellor.

    Ask anything is a weekly question and advice column. Brian Reisinger and Mark Schaaf are alternating columnists.

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