Lyssa Beyer

Dear Ask Anything,
I have these really cool Converse Chuck Taylors. They have been my favorite pair of shoes for quite some time, but my friends keep telling me to throw them away. I’ll admit, these Chucks are more than worn out and somewhat tattered, but I want toÿkeep wearing them. Am I being unreasonable or should I tell my friends to buzz off?
Sincerely,
Stuck on Chucks

Dear Stuck,
While it’s always sad to say goodbye, there are times when it is necessary to let go. So, yes – say “adios amigos,” and walk away sporting your worn-out, tattered Chucks with pride.

Just kidding. While you may be in love with Chuck, I don’t think its ever worth losing your friends over. Hoes before bros. I mean, keep in mind that Chuck Taylor shoes don’t offer the same support as a close friend.

Perhaps we can reach a compromise. Remember when you were little, and you had that favorite blanket or what have you, but it was all sucked on and ripped up and full of stains? Your parents bought you a new one and gradually you forgot the old rotten thing. Maybe this is what you should do with your Chucks. I mean, if they are that awesome, isn’t a new pair equally as cool?

Although, I do have an acquaintance obsessed with Chucks who would argue that a good pair of CTs requires a little bit of wear and tear to make them just right. That’s the best way for your foot to feel the CT love connection.

Maybe if you explain to your friends all the memories you share with your Converse Chuck Taylors, they will understand. Think of all the laughs you’ve shared, the tears you’ve shed together and the places you’ve been together. Then, those holes won’t matter nearly as much any more, and maybe your friends will see the reason for your inability to part with the two that you hold dearest to you: the left and right.

So, don’t worry, you don’t have to tell your friends to buzz off, but don’t kick those shoes to the curb yet either.

Dear Ask Anything:
There’s been an orange and yellow birdcage hanging in a tree in the Phillips courtyard area since last spring. Any idea if this is an experiment or just wild décor?
Sincerely,
Just Wondering

Dear Wondering,
Well, first let’s consider the whereabouts of this birdcage – Phillips – the science building. Who knows what those crazy laboratory nuts are cooking up over there? Of course it has to be some sort of experiment. Why else would a birdcage equipped with a fake bird be chillin’ by itself?

Beyond chemical explosions and physics calculations, there is some severe government collaboration going on over there. That birdcage has its eye on you, so watch what you say because you may be its next victim.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of some of the crazy things that have been happening on campus, but it’s been the yellow and orange birdcage to blame. Well, perhaps you haven’t heard because the government is pretty good at making things “go away.”

Now, if this birdcage were chilling out by the Haas Fine Arts Center, it would be a little less suspicious. Birds sing, and Haas puts out plenty of pretty music. Plus, it’s artistic. They go hand in hand.

Don’t let the idea of this birdcage as wild décor fool you. Any caged bird is not wild, so calling it “wild” décor is wrong from the get-go.

Also, yellow and orange are symbolically evil colors and can mean nothing but trouble. These colors do not belong in any color scheme meant merely to serve as decorative.

By any means, you should just continue with your daily life and not give much thought to this birdcage’s presence. It’s like a ghost – they can smell your fear. If you become too preoccupied with why it is there, it will be sensed, and you’ll never know when it will come after you.