Faults in Your Stars: Aries Season

Welcome to the chaos

More stories from Sabrina Ftouhi

Unlearn Everything
November 1, 2023

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Disclaimer: Everyone is an individual, no two people of the same Zodiac sign are exactly alike. Some people are more evolved than others, everyone changes, nothing is permanent. This is also based on my life experiences, so continue to roll your eyes or keep reading. 

The zodiac sign of Aries is represented by the Ram. They are a cardinal fire sign as well as the first sign in the astrological procession. They are embodied by the ages 0 through 7 and they are the biggest babies you’ll come across. 

Unless you’re well-versed in astrological terminology, you’re probably confused, so let me clarify: in astrology there are twelve signs, 4 elements, and 3 modalities (cardinal, fixed, mutable). 

Cardinal signs take place at the start of the seasons, therefore cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) are said to be initiators. 

As a matter of fact, Aries season was initiated at the Oscars when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. This zodiac sign is ruled by the planet of Mars and the Rams’ namesake comes from the Greek god of war. 

More often than not, if this sign is given the option to put up or shut up, they’ll reach for their boxing gloves that are kept on them at all times.  

If anyone you know has heavy Aries placements, you might be entitled for compensation for every time you’ve been slaughtered by the brutal honesty this sign has to offer. Some people say they’re too mean to be around, and those people are weak.

It definitely does take a special amount of boldness and chaos in a person to stay on the Aries highway to hell. As my own person, I believe the best way to learn and grow is to be told about myself.

 Regardless of the good, bad or ugly, I find comfort in knowing that my friends with this placement will always prevent me from looking or acting ridiculous.

I have to admit that I am biased towards this sign as seen in my rank, but I stand by this statement: Y’all are probably the most annoying sign that’s ever existed, I still love you though. 

Here are my complaints:

It’s very rare to find someone with an Aries placement that knows when to admit that they are wrong about something. If you’re lucky enough to find one, chances are they have earth and water placements. Otherwise the argumentative nature makes me want to box. 

I love a good argument, but I also frown upon people who can’t openly take accountability for their mistakes.

In high school I had a friend group that consisted of three Aries. They all had their birthdays in the same week. Let’s call them Eva, Claire and Kiana. 

During our first year of college Kiana and Claire decided to come to Eau Claire to visit during their birthday weekend. We had a great time and I got a lot of cool pictures. The Aries audacity showed in Eva when she picked a fight with me about not posting as many pictures of her. 

In the past, Eva couldn’t ever handle being called out for wrongdoings and she would argue so hard that I would feel the need to apologize because defending myself would be too exhausting. When I told her she was being insecure, she said: “I don’t like that you said I have problems, so we shouldn’t be friends anymore.” 

It was no sweat for me at that point, this is also someone who shot me in the eye with a Nerf gun to prove another one of her points.

I can definitely tell when an Aries placement is unevolved, my negative experiences with this sign have all ended in some sort of explosive fashion. 

If arguing to death doesn’t do it for you, then maybe their lack of survival instincts will.

My beloved friend Claire once decided to get out of a slowly moving car to pet a stray dog. I told her it was a bad idea but she proceeded. I wasn’t surprised when the dog decided to charge at her, I still laugh at the image of Claire sprinting to the moving car and leaping to safety just in time. 

A week later she decided to pick up a wild mouse with her bare hands because it was cute. That also reminds me of the time she almost killed us in her car because she saw a rabbit on the sidewalk. 

My Aries season so far has consisted of vomiting, arguing and anxiety. This is the time of year where we should all be encouraged to take life by the horns and don’t look back, because your Aries friends expect it of you. 

Ftouhi can be reached at [email protected]