Screaming On the Inside

The universe strikes again

Madeline Fuerstenberg

More stories from Madeline Fuerstenberg

November 2, 2020

I have a weird relationship with luck. Sometimes I think I have none of it. Sometimes I think I have ridiculous amounts of it.

It comes in waves. I will go through these periods where nothing goes right and I feel miserable. 

I don’t sleep, I get sick, my depression starts to get the best of me and I generally just feel really unhappy.

But then, the switch just flips. All of a sudden, everything starts to go right. I receive good news, I have an especially fun night, I have a relatively stress-free week and I feel content with myself. 

And just like that — the scales are balanced. The universe has righted itself, if only for a bit. 

I’m pretty sure I am in the middle of one of those good phases. These past few weeks have been really stressful. My mental health took a sharp nosedive and I was exhausted and overwhelmed constantly.

Today, though, I feel like I am in a good place. 

Earlier this week I found out that I get to go to New York for a college news editors workshop at The New York Times. It’ll just be for a long weekend, but I am beyond excited.

Later in the week, The Spectator received a generous donation from a group of Spectator alum who have been watching and admiring our work this semester. 

I was at a loss for words. It is rare that we actually get recognized for all the hard work we do in the community.

This weekend was good for me too. I spent Saturday relaxing and enjoying the nice weather. I then spent that night having fun with my friends.

Now — Sunday afternoon — I am nursing a bit of a hangover and catching up on all my homework, but I feel content.

I’m not sure I will ever really understand these odd shifts between my highs and lows. But I am grateful for them. 

They reassure me that, no matter how hard things might get, the universe will always find a way to balance things out. That is what really gets me through the dark times,

That is kind of the key, isn’t it? How does anybody get through life without finding that one bright spot?

It’s definitely something I am still working on. Most of the time, it can be hard for me to see the positives. 

I tend to think of myself as a pretty realistic person, but I also think I tend to confuse realism with pessimism. 

So, here’s hoping I can learn something from this week. 

Looking at the big picture, I know I really don’t have much to complain about. I am a privileged college student, after all. 

Yet, that doesn’t make my struggles less valid — but at least I can put things into perspective next time I get in a mood.

If you are ever going through a period where life has you wanting to scream 24/7, try to look for that one bright spot. 

It is OK if there isn’t one for a while. I like to believe the universe has to shine a light on us every once in a while.

Fuerstenberg can be reached at [email protected]