Seeking Solace

It’s okay not to have everything figured out

More stories from Julia Van Allen

Seeking Solace
May 13, 2019

The future, and all of its uncertainties, is one of the scariest things for the average college student to think about, especially those of us who are drawing nearer to graduation with every passing day.

Personally, I know that when I face the questions of well-meaning family and friends surrounding what I could possibly do with my degree, the existential dread that I thought was just a dark shadow in the corner of my mind takes center stage.

As a lifelong lover of words in all forms, I’ve known since I was young that I wanted to be a writer. Half-finished novels and short stories litter the notebooks tucked under the bed in my childhood room, poetry stuffed into boxes like an ex’s discarded belongings.

My drive to write the storylines that fill my head has only grown stronger as I’ve gotten older, and the piles of written works with pieces of my soul interwoven in paragraphs keeps growing larger and larger.

This is where my dilemma comes in. How do I translate a desire to write into a career that can support me financially in the “adult world”?

My options upon entering college were to either choose my passion or to choose a major that would provide for me in the future. After months of pondering in my first year, I decided to go with my heart.

I chose to be an English student, eventually adding on a communication and journalism minor to make myself more employable.

However, none of this means that I have everything together. If I’m being honest, I don’t. I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know where I’ll end up after graduation. I don’t know what kind of job I will have.

I’ve endured the slow, creeping realization that I should have started papering nearby cities with my resumé weeks ago.

But that’s okay.

It’s okay that I don’t have it all figured out right now. I applaud those who are in the opposite situation, those who have everything laid out perfectly and know exactly what will come next. I aspire to be like those people, but at this moment in time I’m okay with not having my entire life planned out.

I like to think that there’s a plan for what is going to happen in life. Deep down, I know that everything will happen in its own time.

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from The Beatles’ John Lennon: “Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay then it’s not the end.”

I take this quote to heart when I find myself in a downward spiral of doubt. Everything will be okay in the end, I repeat it to myself when the mountains of schoolwork build up around me and obscure any hints of sunlight.

In a way, being uncertain with the future is a gift. A gift I never anticipated receiving, but I try to take it in stride.

All of this boils down to the realization that, yes, I am worried about the future. I’m a hair’s breadth away from a minor meltdown, and yes it is totally resumé-related. However, I also know that freaking out right now isn’t going to change how things turn out in the future.

All I, or anyone else in a similar position, can do right now is keep moving forward. My action plan includes updating my resumé, looking for jobs in the areas I think I’ll be near after graduation and keeping my options, and eyes, open for any opportunities that come my way.

Good luck out there Blugolds, we’re going to need it.

Van Allen can be reached at [email protected].