Ask Away

A response on how to get back someone you pushed away and what to do when all your friends graduate


Graphic created by Savannah Reeves

Story by Hailey Novak, Staff Writer

Q: I was seeing someone. I really cared about this person. But they left to study abroad and things slowly fell off. It’s mostly my fault. I was entering an uncertain time in my life and didn’t know where the future was going to take me. As time went on, and this person I still care for returned, I found myself wanting this person back. I’m still around and I think it could work. But I’m not sure how the other person feels. My question is this. How do I get someone back that I care about but pushed away for a selfish reason?

A: This situation happens often, especially between people who are in two different places either literally, or figuratively in their life. There’s really no cut and dry solution. I would start by assessing how much of an impact your pushing away had on this person. If you were upfront about how you felt and had open communication with this person regarding your feelings, there’s a chance they’ll be understanding about where you were at that time and possibly be more open to the idea of letting you back in.

On the other hand, if you pushed this person away without much explanation and left them wondering where the heck you two stood while thousands of miles apart, then there’s also a chance that this person might not want anything to do with you. Everyone handles their emotions differently so this is something you’ll have to assess based on the person. There’s also the possibility that this person may question your loyalty now. If you were there one minute and gone the next without so much as a reason why, they could be hesitant to trust that you won’t do something similar in the future.

At the very least, you owe them an explanation as to what exactly changed your mind. You also have to be accepting of the fact that this person may have moved on without you after you stopped making yourself available to them.

Q: All my friends graduated last semester and I feel like there’s nothing left here for me this last year before I finish school. How do I tough it out an entire year in a place I don’t want to be anymore?

A: This might be a good time to really focus on yourself. College tends to be a fast paced four/however many years where we get swallowed up in our activities and friends without spending much time thinking about what we really want.

That’s my advice to you while you’re left here this year: to stick it out. Your friends might be gone but you finally have a full two semesters to focus on you and what you want to do post-graduation. Take advantage of this chance for self-exploration and make it your year.

Consider going to visit those friends. If they moved far enough away where you can’t feasibly go see them, embrace snail mail. Sit down and write out a letter to them. It feels so good to get something handwritten in the mail from someone you care about and it might make you feel less alone at school. Remember that many people look back and wish they could have spent more time being a college student, so try looking at it from that perspective and feel grateful that you have a full year left at your university.