Posted at 5:00 p.m. 11-17-09

With the recent release of the first-person shooter Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, the only thing that has been on my mind recently has been nothing but owning n00bs with every second of free time that is given to me. Everything has taken a back seat to Modern Warfare 2, including homework (I apologize to all my professors), extracurricular activities, women (my Xbox is more loyal than any female), sleep, eating and even exposure to sunlight. And I’ve noticed an unmistakable trend: there are plenty of others that are the same way. I oftentimes hear shouts from other dorm rooms that relate to this game, my current favorite being, “I’m already close to getting one thousand kills and the game’s been out for one day.” So I’m here to address the problem of the potential of Modern Warfare 2 taking over gamers’ lives.

With the release of every major game comes the question from nearly every college-aged nerd: “What’s more important, feeding my malnourished body or feeding my obsession for this great game?!” And I think we all know the answer to this. I usually just make sure I have the mandatory bag of chips close at hand in case I feel like I’m going to pass out.

But in all seriousness, I am all too aware of the negative effects of a good video game and what it does to a person’s social life. For the past week my greatest accomplishment has been reaching level 21, thus unlocking the “Bling” perk, which allows a weapon to have two attachments. I had planned on using this to combine the heartbeat sensor and holographic scope on my M4A1. That may worry some people. They may be concerned that I’m spending too much time with this game and not doing important things like meeting others. To that, I laugh. Example: someone may have made a new best friend last week named John. They may know a lot about him, such as that he enjoys hiking and reading. My new best friend is GetMoney_181. I met him just ten minutes ago, and all I know is that he has a high kill/death ratio. I’ve skirmished against militia troops with him. Has John done that with any new friends yet? Didn’t think so. To be perfectly honest, if a game becomes the central thing in a person’s life it only means that the game developers did a good job. I’m not going to waste a whole $60 on a game if it doesn’t want to make me pull an all-nighter to beat the single player campaign so that I can quickly move on to the online multiplayer.

If everyone sits down and thinks about this for a while, the release of MW 2 can only be a good thing. Kids aren’t out running around doing foolish things. This makes the job of the university police a lot easier. There is also less of a chance that students will contract swine flu since they are safely secluded in a dark room all day. I’m sure Toppers will be making much more money for the next several weeks too, since gamers simply don’t have time to walk all the way to the cafeteria to eat. Delivery is a much easier alternative. The positive outcomes are endless. And all that MW 2 asks of us is our souls.

I have taken note of really sad cases of the MW 2 obsession, though. I was in an online lobby waiting for a match to start up when I noticed someone was on the first prestige already. For readers who aren’t familiar with this term, being on a prestige means a gamer has gone through all the other levels and has taken the option to start over on level one, only this time instead of rising in the ranks from private to five star general, they are “prestige.” This is a time-consuming accomplishment. This incident occurred a mere two days after the game’s release. If any readers out there are in a similar standing, I suggest seeking immediate psychiatric evaluation . or at least going to bed for a few hours. But I’m sure these extreme cases are few and far between.

All-in-all, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a fantastic game. It is so fantastic that I don’t blame anyone for wanting to stay in their dorms to play it constantly. I say game on. Hopefully all you UW-EC gamers out there will get a chance to be owned by yours truly. If you see the gamertag Turdasaurus, you know you are in for an embarrassing annihilation.