Molly Tumanic

Whatever you do, don’t let anything happen to your computer that would ever require fixing. Ever.

If your computer decides it doesn’t want to run anymore, as mine did, you’re better off reenacting the “Office Space” field scene than trying to get it fixed.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the Compaq customer service representatives are crabby, tricky and, for the most part, useless – and that’s putting it nicely. I saved the four-letter words for the uncensored version of this column.

It all started when I returned to Eau Claire after spring break. I turned my computer on and was greeted by a lovely black error screen telling me it didn’t want to start Windows.

I tried everything I could to revive it before making a series of calls to the Compaq customer service folk.

After an hour on hold and being transferred among four different people in the wrong departments, I reached a man I had a hard time communicating with.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not racist. Had I not loved international people, I wouldn’t have learned another language, studied abroad and traveled to many foreign countries.

But because I was already completely frustrated, the icing on the cake was complete when trying to talk to a technical support technician with a strong accent who, most likely, was in India.

The language barrier is acceptable and unavoidable in some business cases, but when I’m paying for a support warranty, it would be nice to speak to someone within the same country or to someone who I could at least communicate clearly with.

Let’s get past that. I still was talking to the wrong person.

“How many numbers are in your computer’s serial number? 10 or 12?” the technician asked.

“10,” I said.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry,” he said. “This is the 12-digit support center. I’ll have to transfer you to the 10-digit support center.”

I kid you not.

Several more phone calls ensued, but when I didn’t believe what they were telling me, I tried to be sneaky. I called again, only to talk to someone who would give me different, conflicting advice.

I was told I needed to talk to Microsoft because it was their problem. After calling Microsoft, they told me to contact Compaq because it was their problem. With steam coming out of my ears, I told them I didn’t care whose problem it was – my computer needed to be fixed!

I was transferred again to several wrong departments before eventually ending up with a woman answering with, “Hello, Agilent Technologies.” Probably by accident, they transferred me to a completely wrong company.

I was fed up. Done dealing with Compaq, I took my computer to the friendly folk at Best Buy, who for $90 diagnosed my problem – I needed a new hard drive.

The past three years of accumulated college data were gone, and the computer wouldn’t even recognize the hard drive. It was one of the worst cases they’d seen in awhile. Lovely.

Because I still had an extended hardware warranty from Compaq, I again dialed their technicians again, who I now have on speed dial. After once again dialing India, I explained I needed Compaq to send a new hard drive because Best Buy had done everything it possibly could to make my computer work.

The technician insisted she couldn’t help me until after she sent a CD that would magically make everything work – “I promise you it will work,” she said. “I promise.”

Right. And I’m flying to the moon tomorrow.

Her “promises” continued even after I explained everything had been done, so I calmly and politely asked to speak to a manager.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asked.

“Could I please speak to a manager?” I asked again.

She proceeded to give me my case number and thanked me for calling Compaq … and then SHE hung up on ME. Who the devil did she think she was? That was not supposed to happen – I was supposed to hang up on her! And I was even nice about it.

In 2002, Hewlett-Packard acquired Compaq for $19 billion, with goals of streamlining their PC divisions and strengthening products and services for customers, according to a 2003 Associated Press story.

Clearly, they have failed. Nearly in tears with frustration, I gave up for the night and eventually talked to a nice man from Compaq who sent me a new hard drive via Next Day Air.

Now, I’m anxiously awaiting the return of my computer from a service center in Chicago. Hopefully it’s fixed, because I’ve been without it for nearly a month. And, as any college student understands, going without a computer for more than a few days is like an Ask Anything column going without a rip on Ken or Sarah.

Considering I’ve needed a new disc drive, hard drive, motherboard and set of speakers for a computer I purchased less than three years ago, the moral of the story is: Don’t buy from Compaq!!! You’re also better off purchasing a different brand with a warranty from a local dealer, such as Best Buy. The kind service technicians at the store were able to deal with my problem in person and quickly.

You have a better chance of nailing Jell-O to a tree than being satisfied with Compaq’s service.