The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

Quiz gives insight to spring break

Spring break is an anomaly, not just because it seems to be a free pass for college students to turn southern Florida and certain parts of Mexico into Caligula for a week, but it’s also an actual break from the hustle and bustle of the school year.

If you think you maxed out your total spring break capabilities last week, take this scientific quiz and find out just how great of a time you actually had.

1. You woke up naked:

a. Hungover, with a nasty case of cottonmouth sandwiched between a bottle of Captain Morgan and some guy/girl speaking a foreign language you didn’t recognize … as your flight takes off for your spring break destination.

Story continues below advertisement

b. On the sunny beach of some exotic destination far, far, far away from Eau Claire as a hot lifeguard told you that it’s time to flip before you burn your cute little butt.

c. In the bed you woke up in for 18 years of your life as your family dog licks the bottom of your feet.

d. In the Y2K bomb shelter you got for that sweet deal off eBay. You burned your clothes and cut off all outside human contact worried about an outbreak of hoof-and-mouth disease.

2. Your favorite souvenir from your break:

a. The rainbow of medical bracelets you got from all the hospitals you visited on your trip: Detox, Head Trauma, Incontinence . ahhh, the memories.

b. The bottle that you hit your head on when you slipped and fell at that foam party. You keep it because that hot lifeguard helped you up and you danced the rest of the week away.

c. The 10 pounds you gained from eating all the food your mom and grandma force-fed down your throat because you looked like you were “wasting away.”

d. The leftover liver and onion army rations you couldn’t eat after six straight days of the stuff.

3. You fell in love with:

a. That bench outside the club you slept on every night (well, the nights you didn’t spend in the hospital). Nothing says loving like 6 feet of hard wood.

b. That lifeguard who said in all his/her time on the beach he/she had never seen a naked body quite like yours.

c. Alexis from your new favorite TV show, “The Dull and the Pitiful.”

d. Dr. Sagnoff Hippoplat, the German scientist who discovered hoof-and-mouth disease and saved us from the terrible plague.

4. Things went terribly wrong when:

a. You woke up in a clean hotel room, not hung over at (gasp!) 8 o’clock in the morning. The only thing in the fridge was (double gasp!) a carton of orange juice and no vodka.

b. Your last night you saw your hottie lifeguard grinding with some nasty spring breaker from Canada. You swore on the trophy you won in that wet thong contest you’ll never go farther north than Duluth, Minn., again.

c. You realized you wasted away all nine days watching soaps and eating food high on fat and cholesterol. You got nowhere studying for the two tests and didn’t spend one minute researching the 25-page paper due by Friday. You spent the weekend studying 24/7 and going on a crash diet so you wouldn’t feel too bad when your friends get back from their trips.

d. Your parents broke into your Y2K bomb shelter and finally convinced you that hoof-and-mouth disease isn’t contagious to human beings.

5. The effect of your trip when you get back to UW-Eau Claire:

a. You have to work three jobs the rest of the semester to pay off the $10,000 Tijuana hospital bill.

b. You get dirty looks from all the pale-faced freaks who went home for break and are jealous of your perfect tan.

c. You shoot dirty looks at all the spoiled little brats who went somewhere for break and came back with the perfect tan.

d. You try to hide your embarrassed face when you overhear your friends talking about some unnamed freak who locked himself in a bomb shelter for ten days.


a. 4 points, b. 3 points, c. 2 points, d. -2 points.

(20 to 18 points) It’s never too early to sign yourself up on that liver transplant list. You’re supposed to have fun on spring break – you’re also supposed to remember it.

(17 to 10) Ahhh, the perfect spring break. Yeah, right. You know you got kicked off that beach when you exposed your hairy white butt. You know that “hottie” lifeguard was your friend’s reject. Perfect tan? Please. You know you never went outside once when the sun was up. But don’t worry: your tan-in-the-can secret is safe with me.

(10 to 0) If you’re being honest, this is where most students will end up. It’s incredible how lazy and absentminded you become when you get 10 days off and you spend them all with your parents.

(Anything below zero): Sure, spring break just ended, but you, more than anyone, need to go to some warm spot far, far away from any livestock.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

The Spectator intends for this area to be used to foster healthy, thought-provoking discussion. Comments are expected to adhere to our standards and to be respectful and constructive. As such, we do not permit the use of profanity, foul language, personal attacks or the use of language that might be interpreted as libelous. The Spectator does not allow anonymous comments and requires a valid email address. The email address will not be displayed but will be used to confirm your comments.
All The Spectator Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Activate Search
Quiz gives insight to spring break