Sign of the Times: not just a song

If it’s the end of the world as we know it, will we as a college collective be able to survive?

More stories from Faith Hultman



Faith looks at her meager collection of canned food in dismay. National Geographic has told her she won’t live longer than a fortnight when the apocalypse hits.

At the beginning of last fall semester I turned to my roommate and said, “I think I should become a doomsday prepper.”

She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “never talk to me again.”

I didn’t bring it up for a while after that.

However, it’s been a year, and since that time, we as a species have run into a few more pressing ways human civilization could be flushed down the metaphorical toilet.

Last year nuclear war was relatively low on my list of concerns. Now, however, it’s pretty dang high. Fire and fury, anyone?

Climate change was up there, but at least the U.S. had taken steps, however small, to combat it. Now, a variety of federal organizations dedicated to saving the environment have been disbanded.

It’s a well-known fact we as humans are living in a grotesquely unsustainable manner. Global Footprint Network has been trying to track our overconsumption of resources and the gist is this: America would need 4.1 earths to continue existing.

Plus, according to scientists from NASA, we’re long overdue to be smashed into smithereens by an asteroid.

Naturally, I’ve been a teensy bit concerned these past few months.

Plus, in all the books and movies, those who survive the end are those who get to rebuild civilization. The ultimate heroes.

Ever since young adult dystopian novels hit their stride (probably in 2008) I’ve wanted to be a hero. These kids got to save the world at the tender age of 16, and there I was, stuck in high school eating the blandest soy-burger of my life and brooding about the lack of opportunities for heroism in the modern world.

Fret no more, wannabe heroes. We’re long overdue for the collapse of human civilization and ensuing fight for survival.

I took a quiz on National Geographic (you know it’s legit because it’s Nat Geo). If the world were to end today I’d live one to two weeks. WEEKS.

Something must be done. The world is ending and I’m sure you’re all in the same boat as me.

We can’t all afford to build a bunker beneath our ancient college duplex, so what are some practical steps we can take to survive the impending cataclysmic demise of humanity?

An article titled “How to Survive the End of the World” on NerdFitness says this:

Get a “bug-out bag.” A bag with any essentials to survive for a short period of time in it. Three hours without shelter, three days without water and three weeks without food. This article has more information.

Have a way to safety. Whether you live in the residence halls or off campus, knowing which route you’ll take to make it to a safe location when the end comes is essential. This article dedicated to urban survival can help you.

Pick up some skills. You’ve probably seen The Walking Dead; think of how useful it would be to have lock-picking skills. Self defense is self-explanatory. Bartering is also an ability that might be needed at the end of the world.

Get in shape. When technology collapses it’ll be survival of the fittest all over again. You can’t run for your life if you can’t run.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be wearing a tin hat and learning how to pick locks in a neighborhood near you.

Good luck everyone, it’s a tough world out there.