The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

‘V’s’ of the world get screwed by alphabetical order

As far back as I can remember, I have always been at the end or one or two people away from the end of every ordered line there was.

In preschool I got to go to the bathroom and wash my hands last. Did that mean I was given more time than the other children?

Unfortunately not. Much to my dismay, I also had less time than my classmates to eat my crackers and juice.

What is the big deal? Snack time was a big deal to me back then, it was a treat that I didn’t get to enjoy as much.

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“How horrible!” you say, dripping with sarcasm.

Well wait, it gets worse. When attending a private elementary school in Sioux Falls, S.D., I was dead last in every line for everything.

I was last in the lunch line (not a good thing because the lunch lady was pretty old and slow), the line to go to the bathroom (we were only allowed to go one at a time before lunch) and the last one to be let out the door for recess.

Being that it was a private school, I was given more time to eat than my classmates at the front of the line (oh, wait – no I wasn’t).

Sure, I made some great friends at the back of the line. Beth Winklepleck was a rather nice girl.

We talked as we stood in line for what seemed like ages while all of the students in front of us got their food.

Whenever my teachers took attendance, my name was called very last. Did I mention that I always had to sit in the back of the class? Furthest away from the teacher from kindergarten through 12th grade, and yes, even in college.

What did I ever do to deserve this? You might think I was a troublemaker, maybe every one of my teachers had it out for me.

Ha, not quite. I distinctly remember going over to my friend’s houses and hearing their parents yell at them “why can’t your manners be as good as Kyle’s?”

While my buddies didn’t like that, my parents were pleased when I told them.

The only time I got detention in middle school was for having two late assignments in one class. I didn’t even get in trouble once in high school.

What did I do? I was born to a mother and a father whose last name was, and still is, Vorachek.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the English alphabet, the first letter of my last name (V) comes before only W, X, Y and Z.

I would be surprised if you could name me more than 10 people whose last name starts with the last four letters of the alphabet.

This isn’t an isolated case; my friends Tony Tran, Erik Zidek and Andrew Westbrook have all gone through the exact same thing.

Coincidence? I think not.

It is called alphabetical order, and it sucks. It is my strong belief that the order of the alphabet should be reversed every year to make the people at the end first just as much as the people at the front.

Would it really be that hard to do? I don’t think so.

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‘V’s’ of the world get screwed by alphabetical order