After Monday’s tragic storm, one may wonder just who exactly has had to sustain the intensity of the storm’s destruction. Well, from many interviews with traffic lights, street signs and, most importantly, roads and highways, I have found the most important answer.
According to UW-Eau Claire’s very own parking lots, they have had to endure suffocating storms for years now.
“Everyone gets so mad at us parking lots, we’re blamed for fender benders when it’s icy and for bruised bottoms when someone has to be the one to trudge outside in the middle of these cries from mother nature,” Towers’ parking lot said.
Apparently these roads have feelings, too, feelings that have been forgotten because of careless pedestrians and drivers.
“What we really need here is a little sympathy for us roads. If there weren’t any roads, how would you college kids get to the mall and, most importantly, who would catch you when your shoes fail you, causing you a great deal of embarrassment when you fall down?” the Oak Ridge parking lot said.
Not only are the campus parking lots fighting for their reputations, but so are the city’s street signs and streetlights. Every day stop signs are stolen, defaced and even bulldozed over by careless drivers. The stop sign at the bottom of the big campus hill explained how it’s not as easy as it looks being a stop sign.
“How about the signs you people depend on everyday for a safe departure? Do you have any idea that our very lives are at risk every waking second?” the sign asked.
“Not only are we left outside through rain, snow and terribly hot days, we are expected to risk ourselves in order to protect those who choose to run a stop sign each day. It’s an endless battle,” the sign said.
By observing the streetlights at the intersection of Clairemont and University streets, I realized just how tough it really is being a streetlight.
“We stoplights have always gotten a bad rap. It’s not our fault when the light turns yellow tons of cars choose to go through.”
“Who gets blamed when there is an accident at an intersection? Well quite often we are, and for what reason? We stoplights are just doing our jobs. It’s not enough that we allow right turns on red or an arrow for those having to cross over a couple of lanes. No, not at all, but when you are left with a four-way stop on a road such as Clairemont, then don’t come crying to us.”
So with all of this in mind, I asked all of these objects what it is that they want out of their spotlighted interviews and the answer was staggering.
“All that we roads, street signs and stoplights really want is for people to sympathize with our daily feats against death, even though we really have no proof of a life span,” they all said.
“So what we are asking is that everyone simply donate a dollar to the Save the Roads, Street Signs and Stop Lights Foundation,” they said.
“We are not sure what we will do with the money just yet, but we are hoping to put it toward projects such as benefit concerts, and most importantly, a good deal of salt so that none of us have to see another tragic fall or gliding of a car through a stop sign or street light controlled intersection.”