Brian Feels Smart About: Bananas

Story by Brian Miller

Here’s some free advice: Get better at eating bananas. If you don’t already eat bananas, you should. They are filled with potassium and calcium and they taste pretty good, too. They are also incredibly portable, which is nice because oftentimes I eat them while full-out running after the bus.

Also, they come in bunches of however many you want, so you can have one every day of the week. Or every other day. Or you can do math and make an algorithm to decide how you eat them.

I can’t think of any reason why you wouldn’t buy bananas every week. With that mind-set in place, here are some tips:

Don’t buy just one. If you only want one banana just take a vitamin or find a friend that has one. Bananas come in bunches for a reason.

Buy the greenest bananas they have. They are unripe and will last the longest.

When you get home, immediately pull all of the bananas apart. This will make them ripen even slower, which means they will be less likely to turn brown before you eat them. I don’t know why this works, but it does.

When you store them, you need to make sure the stems aren’t touching. Apparently bananas want to turn into poop and get thrown out. Making sure they are all on their own is how you avoid that.

You’ll probably have to scatter them all over your food cupboard and shelves, but this is a good thing, too. When you go to the pantry looking for a snack, you’ll scan your selection of food and see: a banana, then chips, then a banana, then cookies, then a banana, then a box of brownie mix, then a banana and hopefully you’ll just be like, ‘Fine, I’ll have a banana. They’re good for me.’

That’s the dream.