Brit-split
Britney Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences. It only took her two years of marriage and two kids to realize her second marriage was just as big of a mistake as the first. Good thing her mom and representatives talked her into the prenup that Spears said she wouldn’t need.
Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic remarks
After being pulled over in July and arrested for driving under the influence, Gibson spewed anti-Semitic remarks to police officers. This transgression didn’t slow him down any more than the hoopla surrounding his movie, “Passion of the Christ.”
Meanwhile, his “Apocalypto” reaches No. 1 in its opening week at the box office.
Kramer’s racist rant
In hindsight, Michael Richards probably wished he had been as drunk as Gibson after releasing a racist outburst that included several N-words during a stand-up show in Los Angeles in November. By doing so, Kramer finally let the cat RIGHT OUT OF THE BAG!
June 6, 2006
The big day finally came for all those devil worshippers out there (6-6-06). Rather disappointing, however, was that the devil did not manifest itself in human form, nor did the remake of the movie “The Omen” terrify anyone other than small bunnies.
“Crash” wins Oscar for best picture
It’s interesting that the movie that won best picture showed how horrific racism is. What’s even more interesting is that probably the best movie to come out since then, “Borat,” exploits racism, sexism and all the other -isms out there. Gotta love the American public – high five!
Rumsfeld resigns
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld resigns after Democrats take the Senate and House during midterm elections, showing that the people really didn’t want him in charge anymore. Oh Rummy, what took you so long?
New chancellor
Brian Levin-Stankenlkjeligqevich was announced as UW-Eau Claire’s new chancellor in February. The most immediate concern – fitting his name on the university’s letterhead.
High gas prices
Gas prices reach more than $3 a gallon this year, causing an outcry amongst the American people, who were forced to make no adjustments and continue driving their cars.
‘Reality has well-known liberal bias’
Comedian and fake right-wing pundit Stephen Colbert gave the keynote address at the annual White House correspondents dinner.
The audience of which was a who’s-who of Washington political figures, including President Bush. Some of the jokes, however, did not go over so well, leading organizers to the shocking conclusion that the “Colbert Report” is actually a fake news show.
North Korea
North Korea purportedly tested a nuclear weapon in October. Why don’t people trust them when they say they’re not going to actually use it?
Just plain indecent
Republican Congressman Mark Foley resigns in September after a scandal involving his e-mail and Internet use. Specifically, Foley is accused of sending erotic messages to teenage congressional pages, which led to a barrage of crappy “Hey, your congressman called, he said he wants his e-mails back” jokes.
Woo-hoo hunting
Vice President Dick Cheney wounded a friend, wealthy attorney and Republican Harry Whittington, in February during a hunting trip, then waited 18 hours before telling the press. Cheney and his aides decided an “If I Did It” book and interview would be a little, you know, tacky.
Closing Kerm’s
Sad, but true; our beloved Kerm’s on Water Street is closing. No longer will freshmen have access to fresh food within walking distance of campus. What will they do? All of them could starve!
Pluto’s an outcast
Pluto, formerly known as a planet, was demoted this year to dwarf planet status.
Although the debate continues, Pluto threatens to leave the solar system if its full planetal rights are not reinstated.
– Mark Schaaf contributed to this article
