Does anyone know where I can get a Bedazzler? Ali and I took our first steps to starting a real dart league and my job is to make the jackets. Anyone at karaoke Thursday night knows that our very original dart-league name is the A-team, after Ali’s awesomeness.

Dear AA,
Is there any correlation between Doyle locking thermostats at 68 degrees (feels like 58) and the thin tissue-paper-like toilet paper in Schofield restrooms?
– Freezin’ and Wonderin’

Dear Freezin’,

I’m surprised you didn’t make this connection yourself. Of course they are related. The university is in cahoots with Gov. Doyle to make your life as miserable as possible.

I’ve been using my journalistic investigating skills, and here is the conclusion I’ve reached thus far. Gov. Doyle and the university are conditioning you for your box-living days after you realize that your Bachelor’s degree in philosophy won’t get you a job.

But setting the thermostat at 68 degrees is hardly roughing it. I glanced at the thermometer in my house the other day, and I noticed it was literally at 58 degrees. My roomies and I haven’t frozen to death yet. It just makes our trips to Hibbard feel like a tropical vacation.

Seriously, it all comes down to saving money. Cheap, one ply paper is more cost effective; so is turning down the heat a few degrees. So unless the TP is frozen and shatters when it hits the ground, all I’m going to say is go back to your post-modernism textbook and be glad the university is preparing you for things to come.

Dear AA,
If the girlfriend says she doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, does she mean it?
– Mixed-Signal Marvin

Maybe, but probably not. So just to be on the safe side, get her something awesome. No flowers/candy/jewelry, though. They’re overrated, and if you were my boyfriend, I’d kick your ass for such unoriginality.

Since Ali and I are currently playing the field, we really don’t have to worry about what lame gifts our would-be boyfriends would get us.

As Ali and I were sitting at the Joynt, 322 Water St., the other night, we decided that we would be each other’s Valentines. So tomorrow night, after class, she and I will run to the gas station, pick up 40’s of malt liquor and a few packs of Camel Lights and spend the night watching TiVo’d episodes of Project Runway.

Bullseye.

Ask anything is a weekly question and advice column. Alison Pellymounter and Erica Dakins are alternating columnists.