If you like sarcasm, continue reading. If you don’t, then look about 6 inches to the right and read the non-sarcastic movie review of Casablanca … ready, go. Well, I guess if that isn’t your thing then go pick up the latest issue of Spin Magazine, I am sure there is something worth reading in that.
With that being said I can address the letter that was published in this fine piece of paper just a few days ago. In my article last week I gave some reasons as to why I am qualified to write a column on music. The criteria I gave were entirely satirical and based on stereotypes and perceptions of people with “long hair,” “Volkswagens” and “goofy shoes.”
With every new semester, at least one person in my classes approaches me and wants to talk about music or asks whether or not I want to puff the proverbial “cheeba” with them after class. Since I can’t write columns about pot (because A. I don’t smoke it and B. this isn’t High Times Magazine), I decided to write about a passion of mine, which is music. If I didn’t feel like throwing a little humor into the column, I could have said that I was just asked to work in Atlanta this summer and book shows for the Masquerade (predominant concert venue similar to First Ave in the cities). I don’t write this on a volunteer-basis to toot my own horn. I would rather be sarcastic than pretentious (I’ll leave that to the writers from Spin and Rolling Stone). OK, I am done now.
Since a holiday I don’t particularly like is approaching, Valentine’s Day (probably because the closest to a V-day kiss I will get is from my mom) I decided to give some special music tips to get the most out of the occasion. The following are two separate lists of songs; one for couples and the other for us single folks.
Songs for the attached:
1)Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter” – Ignore the title with this one. The song is incredible. Every time Damien beautifully sings, “I can’t take my eyes off of you,” all you need to do is pucker up, because it’s gonna happen. My only recommendation is that you stop it about five seconds from the end, because he says “until I find someone new.” I am pretty sure that won’t be very well received.
2)Sigur Ros’ “Staralfur” – This song sounds amazing, but the beauty of this track is that all the lyrics are in a different language (Icelandic). The possibilities are endless here, folks. You can just tell your significant other that some line in the song means “I have loved you since Spanish class our freshman year,” or something appropriate to your relationship. Just say you know a little Swahili or something and you can translate.
3) Sufjan Stevens’ “The Dress Looks Nice on You” – Gentlemen, this song is meant for you and you only. When your girlfriend emerges from the bathroom ready to go to dinner and asks the dreaded question “How do I look?” quickly press play and let Sufjan (pronounced Soof-Yawn) avert the almost-guaranteed trouble this question presents. It has saved many men from the foot-in-mouth dilemma.
Songs for the unattached:
1)Ben Folds Five’s “Song for the Dumped” – This song can be summed up in one word: therapeutic, especially for those who have been newly thwarted into single life. A second word to describe this would be motivating. It makes you want to hop in the car immediately, drive over to the ex’s house and take back all the crap you gave him or her.
2)Nada Surf’s “Inside of Love” and Rhett Miller’s “Come Around” – This is a two-parter. All I have to say with these two is just break out the Ben and Jerry’s and Kleenex, set the channel on WE (Women’s Entertainment) for the night and let ’em play on repeat.
3)Reggie and the Full Effect’s “Gloves” – This is, by far, the quirkiest of the bunch, blending the feel of an 80s Brit pop song with the ever-whiney angst of a Chris Carrabba from Dashboard Confessional. The song starts with the feeling of love, but ends with the angry words “today’s my … find a girlfriend day.” Good luck!
I wish the best to all during this wonderful/depressing holiday.
Sorensen is a junior advertising major and columnist for The Spectator.
