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It’s not easy but everyone wants to be on top

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Renee Rosenow

We have just started week four, and let me remind you of the fantasy behind this column. I always heard guys dropping F-bombs every so often at this time of the year. I understood that it was because of a game, “Fantasy Football.” So I decided I would try it out to see how this world works and why it drives men so crazy. I did my readings on the subject, drafted players for about an hour, hoped that the picks I made were going to be the best and become the Fantasy Virgin.

Well, we won week one and two, but unfortunately we didn’t have such luck on week three. We lost to Mustard Lookers and now our record stands at 2-1. As I got to my office to see what we could do to make a comeback for week four, I heard The Donald Duckers say to me in between evil laughs “You Lost!”

Well we had to loose one week, right? I think that little Duck here was a bit jealous because his record is 1-2. He had to vent and he chose the easiest target he could choose and take advantage of, a virgin. I guess he overlooked the fact, or maybe he was just trying to forget his own misery, because his team was completely crushed by 158 snaps & counting. 158 snaps got 124 points to his 53.89. No wonder he felt so defenseless and abused. Our team might have lost, but it was only by 1.25 points!

Oh, little Duck, I guess you should do your math and see that, even though we lost, at least we didn’t loose by more than 70 points, like you did!

Here’s a new graph on the new rankings on our league.

Kudos to The Loose Poopmen! His fantasy to be on top finally came true Monday night. Yes, he is now in the top of our ranking at number one. But we’ll see afterwards who gets on top of whom as we play them on week four.

The Loose Poopmen was so mad of what I wrote about him last week that he wrote on his “Smack Talk,” which is like your “status” on Facebook, “ahahaha the terror of the bye week!” This un-romantic pick up line refers to most of our players being on bye week.

Not to worry, I already took care of that. Otherwise, we would have had zero points for week four. I dropped our tight end Greg Olson from the Chicago Bears and added wide receiver Patrick Crayton from the Dallas Cowboys. I also dropped our Indianapolis defense and grabbed the Minnesota Vikings wide receiver, Bernard Berrian, but this won’t come into effect until they play, so that’s why Indianapolis is still there.

Now that the games are becoming more competitive and fewer games are being played, we must monitor our players more carefully. If you have ideas for new players, strategies for our team or even pick up lines that you want to share, comment on the online version of the column at

Whatever the outcome after this week, remember I was once a virgin to this fantasy and now that I’m finally in, I’m dropping those F-bombs too.

Lozano is a senior print journalism major and sports editor of The Spectator. “Fantasy Virgin” is a column that appears every Thursday.

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The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.
It’s not easy but everyone wants to be on top