Winged avenger back in action

Nicole Robinson

OK, so I’ll give you one chance to guess from the headline of this column who I’m going to be for Halloween. That’s right – Batman.

I know what you’re thinking. First of all, you’re saying, “You’re a junior in college. Isn’t Batman a little too immature for you?” The answer to that question is a resounding, “No.”

Anyone who actually enjoys themselves at college knows your maturity level drops considerably, despite the fact that you’re living independent of your parents, establishing a career path and blah blah blah.

The second thing you’re probably thinking is, “Wow, Batman, excellent choice. Never been done before.”

To that I say, yes, Batman has been an enduring costume for decades, but I’m not talking about the conventional, blue and gray, tight-wearing man of yesteryear.

I’m talking about the dark, menacing, badass Batman director Chris Nolan created in his “Batman Begins” this past summer.

Any of you who have seen the movie know exactly what I’m talking about and why I’m going to look so pimp this year it’s ridiculous.

Christian Bale’s performance as Bruce Wayne/Batman, a new, deeply- involved storyline and some sharp cinematic effects resurrected a movie franchise that had, according to most accounts, made Batman almost as lame as Superman. Almost.

But any of you who have tracked the evolution of the Batman movie series know that Christian Bale wasn’t the only Bruce Wayne/Batman worthy of mimicking.

That’s why I’m taking a stand against Nolan’s plans to continue his Batman restoration by re-doing Batman’s confrontations with The Joker and all the way up to the present.

Admittedly, the Batman franchise was in shambles when he found it. Val Kilmer (Batman Forever) and George Clooney (Batman and Robin) attempted to forge their own compelling version of Bruce Wayne/Batman and failed.

Not only were they shallow attempts, none of us could stop staring at the nipples on their rubber costumes.

One thing to be said for “Batman Forever,” Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey played very convincing versions of the psychotic Two-Face and The Riddler, respectively.

But then came Batman and Robin. Not only did we have a bad front man and rubber nipples, but also we had to endure Arnold Schwarzenegger babbling and moaning as an annoying Dr. Freeze.

So I’m incredibly thankful to Chris Nolan for making Batman cool again. But that accomplishment, in my opinion, does not give him the right to tamper with Tim Burton’s “Batman” and “Batman Returns,” in which Michael Keaton established his version of BruceWayne/Batman as a cinematic legend.

But Tim Burton’s dark, gothic vision and Michael Keaton aren’t the only reason not to mess with the first two Batman movies. How does Nolan expect to come up with actors who can outshine Jack Nicholson as The Joker and Danny DeVito as The Penguin?

I gotta say that it’s not going to happen and that Nolan should quit while he’s ahead, because I don’t think I could survive another Batman suckiness relapse. The story of Batman, in my opinion, should end where it began, pun intended.

In the meantime, if you’re spending Halloween in Eau Claire, keep your eye out for me. I’ll be the Batman without the rubber nipples.

Reisinger is a junior print journalism major and a news editor of The Spectator.