Kou Thao

Limp Bizkit is like a deer lying on the side of the road, quivering from the pain of interrupting the path of a Dodge Ram.

Well past their prime, the Bizkit boys are one of the worst bands out there. It does not help that they have Fred Durst, the most annoying frontman ever to practice modern music.

When the band burst onto the n-metal scene in the mid-to-late 1990s, it had an element of freshness to it, but it was still bloody derivative.

Its sound was aped from much better bands, such as Rage Against the Machine, the Deftones, Korn and Faith No More.

Breaking into the mainstream with a cover of George Michael’s “Faith” and the energetic “Nookie,” the band showed promise.

But instead of improving its sound on 2000’s “Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water,” what we got was the musical equivalent of rats drowning in hydrochloric acid.

That was the album that featured such jag-off tunes as “My Way,” “My Generation” and two dreadful, vomit-laden versions of “Rollin’.”

All the songs were, like many Bizkit songs in the past, blatant ripoffs of much better bands.

After the buzz of that album faded, guitarist Wes Borland, the saving grace of the band, quit, and a search ensued for a replacement guitarist.

The band found no one to replace him, and we did not hear from it for a while.

Then, all of a sudden, Bizkit returned a few weeks ago with “Results May Vary,” the worst album of the year.

I was certain that Bizkit would have disbanded after Borland left, but I guess when you’re vice president of Interscope Records (which Durst is), your band can live forever.

Originally titled “Bipolar” and even “Panty Sniffer,” the new album is true evidence that the band is a sickly entity.

Its latest song, a cover of the classic, almost holy, Who epic “Behind Blue Eyes,” is the last straw.

I accepted Limp Bizkit covering “Faith” because it was George Michael, a man whose pop prowess is limited.

But to cover one of the best songs in rock music by one of the best bands of all time takes a lot of guts and talent. Bizkit may have the guts, but talent is one of its many deficiencies.

Limp Bizkit’s version of “Blue Eyes” is so terrible that at one point it actually has a Speak N’ Spell repeating something along the lines of “L-I-M-P, discover.” There is no “rock-out” bridge in its version. It’s just n-metal garbage.

Bizkit has been around longer than Staind and Linkin Park, yet for some reason its new album sounds like a cheap rip-off of both those bands.

Perhaps what Durst should do is just give up on his wretched band and stick to what he does best – recording executive and music video director – because though Bizkit’s songs are incredibly dreadful, its music videos tend to be rather appealing.

Vehling is a senior print journalism major and online
editor of The Spectator. The Tastemaker is a weekly
entertainment column that appears every Thursday.