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Area 51 raid is a go

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Lauren Spierings

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The Tator

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This article is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the views of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.

In the week leading up to the infamous Area 51 raid, UW-Eau Claire students attending the raid have been training around campus.

Roman Kepler, a fourth-year geology student, said he had been training since the raid was first announced.

“I first found out about the raid from a notification on Facebook,” Kepler said. “Ever since then, I’ve been lifting weights and working on my long distance running in order to help the raid go smoothly.”

Scheduled at 12 p.m. Friday, Sept. 20, many Blugolds anticipate skipping their classes in order to make their flights in time to reach Nevada for the raid. Multiple UW-Eau Claire professors have already reported emails from students regarding their future absences.

“This is a once in a lifetime deal here,” Craig Corona, a third-year political science student, said. “We may miss a class and lose some points, but this is history in the making. No way am I missing out.”

The popularity of the Area 51 raid has resulted in multiple Facebook groups and events being formed, all centered around breaking into the secure zone and finding the aliens rumored to be there.

On the official Facebook event, the details section holds a message for all those interested in joining.

“We will all meet up in rural Nevada and coordinate our parties,” the post said. “If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens.”

While the original event creator has left the event behind, students are still hopeful for what they can discover behind the doors of the government facility in the Nevada desert.

Raiders have also been left wary with the arrest of a Dutch youtuber and his friend who tried to infiltrate Area 51 on Sept. 10.

However, Erica Terrestrial, a second-year actuarial science student, said that the lack of official organization does not mean that the raiders will be stopped.

“Listen, there’s been posts hopping around Reddit for months now,” Terrestrial said. “We’ve all got our assigned roles in the raid already. We’ve all committed and we are going to find these aliens.”

While there are a few battle plans bouncing around the internet, most seem to center around different waves of attacks that will all meet at an extraction zone at the end of the raid. 

One image of a battle plan details three waves and a tunneling team moving in on the facility, whereas another details certain roles like the “rock throwers” and “Kyles” barraging the buildings. 

In response, the United States military has been issuing statements telling raiders to not attempt to break in, as they will be met with force. 

Robert Zeeman, a fifth-year history student, said that he’s excited for how well the Area 51 raid seems to coincide with the Pickle Bar’s Pickle Palooza on Sept. 21. 

“It’s literally the day before Pickle Palooza,” Zeeman said. “Yeah, I might not get a t-shirt, but I’ll have a new alien buddy with me. I think everyone knows what would be cooler to see in the Pickle on Pickle Palooza.”

More information on the raid can be found on the official website at stormarea51.us.

Spierings can be reached at [email protected]

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