The Tator

Would you rather have all the electricity you want or help the penguins live an extra 50 years?

More stories from Ryan Huling

The Tator

This article is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the views of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire

We are always surrounded by nature, in some way, shape or form. Animals, plants and fungi all live around us and go through their own little life journeys. Recently, the news has been full of headlines about the danger of climate change and what it could mean for the wildlife we co-exist with in the coming centuries. If we’re being honest with ourselves, however, do we really need to care?

Nature and the environment is very pretty and climate change really doesn’t seem to be increasing so dramatically that every national park would disappear in the next few years. After we die, what do we have to enjoy with Yellowstone National Park? The satisfaction of knowing that it’s still there sounds alright, but I’d rather have as much electrical power as I want at home thanks to all the coal we are burning.

There’s also animals that we are being told are at risk of or going extinct because of global warming in places like the arctic. Polar bears and ringed seals are cute and all, but we’ve got plenty in zoos. I am definitely not traveling all the way to the northernmost parts of North America to put myself in danger and see one, and I’m sure you aren’t either.

Animals may be in danger, but by the time they all vanish off the face of the earth, we will all be gone anyways. Scientists are also saying humans are in danger too, but how bad is it? Florida may be getting the annual hurricane but it doesn’t seem as bad as we all think. Just a bit of repair and a couple billion dollars and things get better. As long as the meteorologists get their predictions right, we can all go vacation at Disney World at just the right time and not even feel the effects.

To prevent climate change, scientists say we need to use more renewables and stop releasing gases like carbon dioxide and methane. That seems like such a big change and, honestly, a lot of work. Coal is used in electricity production, steel production and cement manufacturing which seems like it would take a lot of effort to change. To stop releasing methane, we would have to stop mining coal or letting waste decompose in landfills. We obviously need all that, so let’s not try to change things that don’t need to be fixed.

None of the world is immortal, so what’s the point in trying to fix climate change? We’ll get to see as many national parks and animals as we want in our lifetime, so let’s not ruin our everyday conveniences just to hope that Koalas live an extra hundred years. It may seem existential, but it is the truth.

Huling can be reached at [email protected]