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The past eight weeks revealed to be one mass dream

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UW-Eau Claire students wake up to discover it’s still February, not April

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The past eight weeks revealed to be one mass dream

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This is a satirical article and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the opinions of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.

Students of UW-Eau Claire awoke this morning to discover the past two months have actually been a mass dream. A look outside and a peek at the calendar revealed the month to actually be February, not April, as originally thought.

Many students were distraught by the news, stating they now have an entire semester left, when they thought it was almost over. Others lamented all the “sick parties” they thought they had gone to, but actually just dreamt up. Some students were upset about the birthdays and other special events they thought had already taken place.

“This means it’s still another two months until I turn 21,” said Mandy Young, a junior creative writing student. “I thought it was my birthday last week, but I had only dreamed it was. Turns out I’m still underage.”

A large number of students were shocked by the vividness of the dream, saying they’ve rarely remembered a dream as clearly as this one.

Other students, like Joe Way, a senior neuroscience student, are skeptical about the reveal.

“The likelihood of 10,000 students having the same exact dream at the same time is just too weird,” Way said. “It’s borderline impossible. On the other hand, the idea that it would be snowing this heavily in the middle of April is much less likely.”

Several students said they agree that the news about the mass dream is much less distressing than heavy snowstorms in April.

“It’s so relieving to know it’s just February,” Way said. “If it were snowing this much in April, there’s no way we could reasonably continue to ignore climate change.”

Many others were also relieved by the news that the semester was all a dream, including Failene Clas, a second-year music education student.

“I was so worried that I only had a few more weeks to get my grades up,” Clas said. “Now, it turns out I actually have a couple more months.”

Clas said that she probably won’t procrastinate as much, but it would be difficult to stop procrastinating completely. Especially with the bad weather, she thinks it will be a struggle to not do so, but definitely not to the degree that she did during the dreamt semester.

Other students were excited by the prospect of still having a full semester worth of parties to attend. Others were happy to see their bank accounts weren’t drained from all the snow removal ordinance parking tickets they dreamt they received.

Whether they consider the dream a relief or tragedy, everyone is in agreement that there is no doubt that the past two months were definitely a dream.

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The past eight weeks revealed to be one mass dream