I can’t even believe what started as an inside joke in the office came to be a great debate between my sports editor and me. He might put up a seemingly good fight, but let’s be real, besides the entertainment factor, there’s little to no good reasons to have Segways on campus.
If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard about this Segway idea on campus, don’t fret, because it’s not real. My counterpart came into the office one day and said the university would benefit by offering every single student a Segway once they commit to coming to the university.
There are many reasons why this is a ridiculous idea, but I think I have narrowed it down to the most relevant reasons.
The first thing coming to mind is it takes me 10 minutes to walk from my dorm, Murray Hall, to the class farthest away from Murray, which is in Hibbard Hall. Why on Earth would I feel the need to cut down on a 10-minute commute?
Sure, I have a low tolerance to the cold and don’t really like walking to class in the winter, but it’s 10 minutes of my life. If I had a Segway, wind would be blowing in my face, which would probably make me even colder. I can just see my face chapping up and my eyes watering while I’m trying to navigate my huge, bulky “vehicle” to Hibbard. But don’t worry, I would be in class two minutes earlier, so obviously it’s supposedly worth the discomfort.
My second argument goes along with getting to class: navigating our hill. If I cringe and have to look away as I see bikers try and weave their way between the barriers, how would I be able to get my Segway down the hill without seeing people get hurt or having a heart attack myself?
Having Segways on campus just encourages students to make decisions they might think are smart but land them in the hospital. Even if Segways wouldn’t be permitted on upper campus for safety reasons, there’s going to be someone who won’t care whatsoever.
Lastly, I can think of about a million other things our university could spend their money on besides Segways. For example, I think our residence halls could use a facelift.
Point is, Segways promote laziness and are unsafe for our campus. So why should the university spend money on something with extremely negative consequences?
— Meghan Hosely, copy editor
If I offered you a free ride on a Segway, what would be your response? Could you turn down the opportunity to ride one of the most intriguing motor vehicles in the world? I highly doubt you could.
Now imagine being an 18-year-old high school senior trying to decide what university you should attend, and you read that UW-Eau Claire will rent you a Segway as long as you are a full-time student.
How could you not apply and spend your college years as a Blugold while cruising along on a Segway?
I realize Segways are expensive, and promising every student a Segway would increase the cost of tuition. But as a result, admission numbers would skyrocket due to Eau Claire being the only university in the world that could promise its students a Segway.
Our university has seen its admission numbers decrease over the past several years, and this has caused budget cuts to hit campus hard. Raising admission numbers is a major goal of the university, and Segways are the way to get people to Eau Claire.
Segways are not just a modern, effective and eco-friendly way to commute to campus, but Segways represent innovation and creativity.
Eau Claire promising every student a Segway would send the message that we are a school not afraid to be different and that we are open to any and all ideas. It tells potential Blugolds they can grow into unique individuals here.
Every university promises students a diverse learning opportunity, but it is difficult to list examples of what truly makes a university unique. A Blugold Segway would represent the one-of-a-kind experience Eau Claire offers.
For this to work, a few changes would have to be made around campus. Simple Segway parking spots could replace the surplus of bike racks scattered around campus, and for safety reasons — NO SEGWAYING IN THE HALLWAYS.
Segways are safe, efficient and fun, and they would boost our university’s enrollment numbers because of what the famous two-wheel, self-balancing machine represents.
They stand for individuality, radical and rational thinking, innovation, bravery, modernism, sophistication, high fashion and Blugoldism.
And let’s be honest, at the end of the day, who wouldn’t want to ride a Segway?
— Ellis Williams, sports editor