The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

Space tourism next big deal; good thing people will be ready

My life-long dream of being an astronaut was crushed when I first discovered they have to know how to add and subtract with proficiency. That’s something I never have had. So I thought I would do the next best thing to being an astronaut: I’d be a space tourist.

Now, thanks to California gazillionaire Dennis Tito, that dream also has been crushed like an elephant being crushed by a mouse (something like that, anyway).

Tito reportedly paid $20 million to take a trip to the international space station.

The lucky wanker.

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That’s it. The future is now, people are taking tours to space for a minimal cost (at least to a gazillionaire). Pretty soon everyone will be eating caviar and drinking champagne on the dining wing of the space station, which will be added in 2002, if we’re lucky.

A tourist in space has changed the way everyone sees the realm of infinite nothingness.

The news was music to the ears of some students at the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York.

Every winter and spring the school offers a groundbreaking course in space tourism development, according to The Associated Press.

The class focuses on small practicalities, orbital mechanics, environmental management, nutrition and economics.

I’m happy to be in the middle of the tourist revolution.

Just think of all the good human beings will bring to outer space once this whole space tourism catches on.

There will be traffic jams, restaurants, angry tour guides and souvenir shops just like here on Earth.

Just think of all of the souvenirs there would be: space pet rocks and, well, you get the drift.

I’d really hold out for witty T-shirts that read: “I paid $20 million to go to outer space and all I got was a case of typhoid.”

I don’t think it’s possible to get typhoid from going into space, but there are a number of other threats that just don’t allow space tourism to make much sense.

Aside from all of the scary aliens lurking around out there, there is the risk of being lost forever in a terrible mishap.

Just imagine going out for a space stroll and forgetting the whole zero-gravity thing. You would be lost forever if you didn’t wear a leash.

Even the former Ohio senator and first American to orbit the Earth, John Glenn, doesn’t think the time is right for space tourism. He said he believes only researchers should go into space.

And he has an excellent point. Do we really want to see families taking their summer vacations to various places in space? Do we really want to show the rest of the universe what our species is like by having families fight over having to go to the bathroom and not knowing which way to the moon (directions are kind of hard when there is no definite up and down).

But still, space tourism is now a real thing and others undoubtedly will follow Tito’s footsteps.

It is comforting to know there will be working professionals trained in the area of space tourism, thanks to the Rochester Institute of Technology.

Where would this world be if it wasn’t for the ingenuity of a bunch of college punks taking a bizarre, but now very practical, course?

But space travel is not something to be taken lightly, and it’s good nobody is rushing to be the second tourist in space – at least none making the headlines, anyway.

Now that I think of it, I’m glad I’m not a space tourist. I’m happy with my feet on the ground.

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Space tourism next big deal; good thing people will be ready