Wars are raging, earthquakes are destroying everything, the energy crisis is a reality and the rainforests are still dying out. It’s clear the world is in desperate need. People must realize that things have to change, otherwise we might not be here much longer.

It’s more apparent than ever: The world needs a superhero, the sooner, the better.

But the state of the world needs something much more than Batman or Superman, or even Spiderman. See, those guys are only good when there is an arch criminal behind it all. Otherwise, they don’t have a clue what to do.

Sure, they might be able to salvage some buildings, but they just can’t prevent disasters from happening.

Oh, who am I kidding?

The world needs Superman, Batman and Spiderman. They know how to take care of business and provide some witty commentary in the meantime.

But let’s think realistically. Those superheros only exist in some childish fantasy – an awesome one at that.

What will it take to solve the world’s problems? I certainly can’t. I’m strong and all but easily sidetracked by the latest gimmick the WB network throws at me. Call me crazy, but I just can’t resist a singing frog in a top hat (is the frog still representing the WB? Is the WB still around?).

So who will lead us? Who has the guts to stand up to the vicious circle of destruction and despair the world is in?

This is something that takes time and thought. All factors must be taken into consideration when selecting a superhero. Mainly because this can’t be just any superhero. This has to be THE superhero. I mean, the dude or dudette (I don’t discriminate), who’s not afraid to look Evil straight in the eye and say, “Take a hike, man. This world has had enough and we’re not going to take any of your biz anymore!”

Of course, this superhero has to be down with the lingo of the times. He or she has to be ready to throw out everything from “step off” to “you’re cool … NOT.”

Are there any volunteers out there? Previous superhero experience is not necessary, but is preferred.

The top candidate for superhero of the new millennium is unquestionably Jon Bon Jovi. Honestly, the man has lived the greatest life ever. He was a huge rock star, then became a well-respected actor and now he gets to be a rock star once again. It’s mind boggling how successfully awesome he is.

Mr. Jovi needs a sidekick, and I don’t see anyone better than Keanu Reeves. He’s had a similar experience to Bon Jovi, save for the respected actor and rock star part. That’s why he will be kept to the sidekick position.

Forget the volunteers, these two have to step up. Without the tag team duo of Jovi and Reeves, the world will not be able to last much longer.

There must be a global effort to get the message out to these two celebrities before it’s too late.

Things are different these days, and unconventional superheros are needed, more than what a man in tights can provide.

That’s it, everything has been settled. Jon Bon will save the world with Keanu at his side. And if they don’t, I’ll settle just for a witty comment or two.