Valentine’s Day is over. Chocolate has been consumed, edible underwear has lived up to its title and hundreds of roses are being dried throughout the Eau Claire area.

But now that Feb. 14 has been braved by the best of us (and for my part, survived just fine thanks to a blind date in response to my last co-written article), it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty basics for those still searching for a significant other.

Everyone remembers the happy days of note-passing, hand-holding, 4th-grade glory.

“Do you like ________? Circle yes or no.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go back to that simpler time? When being good at kickball meant you were cool, spelling tests stressed you out and having a girl/boyfriend meant you held hands during the instructional films they showed in the library before recess.

Well, those days are gone forever, so until I see a “Circle Y/N” note with a man’s name on it, we all get to deal with the quirks and obscure behavior otherwise known as “Game Playing.”

Gents, take note, here is all you need to know about why women act the way they do – because none of you pretend to know what we’re thinking.

That’s the first difference between the sexes. Guys don’t even claim to understand girls, whereas women actually believe they know why men act how they do, when really, we don’t know as much as we might think. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. I understand men completely. All except for the flannel-wearing, football-watching, deer-hunting, allergic-to-cats part.

But back to games. With girls there are a couple of main points to remember. The first is that most female flirting is done merely for attention from boys. Obvious, right? But wait. We flirt for attention. That’s all. That’s it. Nothing more.

Let’s just say most girls aren’t really interested in what the two of you will be having tomorrow for breakfast. So the next time some girl sidles up to you at the bar, remember she might just be on the prowl for a quick ego-fix.

So how can you tell if she’s really interested? Well, just to make this more confusing …

The second part of this equation says that a girl (let’s call her Betty) will most likely be able to flirt with any guy around – except for the one she likes. Because she likes him, Betty won’t be able to talk to Al (oh yeah – let’s call him Al), much less flirt with him. So Betty ignores Al in the hopes that he will notice her ignoring him and come over to make conversation. Which makes the next bit of information all the more amusing.

Now we are at the part that girls will want to make note of. The big game for guys happens when Al decides that he likes Betty (quite possibly because she is doing such a bang-up job of ignoring him) but before he is willing to make a move he needs to have some sort of sign.

Which might actually make sense, that is, if Betty wasn’t over in her corner ignoring him with every cell of her being. Meanwhile, Bambi sidles up to Al and starts up a conversation trying to make Adam jealous from across the bar. Adam, who likes Bambi but was waiting for a sign, thinks he just got the wrong one when really he just never heard about the steps of female-attraction-reaction which are:

1. Don’t talk to him.

2. Ignore him.

3. Make him jealous.

All of this is true unless she really just doesn’t like you, in which case you are a stalker by now and have been arrested by the campus police, so don’t make that mistake.

And, of course, all games are null and void once the two of you actually start hitting it off, which again, could just be her flirting for attention. But otherwise, usually once both of you acknowledge a shared attraction a whole new set of games comes into play anyway, most involving who pays for what.

All of this just because we can’t take a chance and say to that random boy or girl, “Hey, I think you’re sexy/smart/pretty darn spiffy. Want to go out?”

Well, I don’t pretend to have all of the answers. But I can clue you into one major sign of how it’s going once you get there. If, in the beginning, she shaves her legs for you – she cares. After awhile, if she stops – she’s comfortable. Ladies, this theory does not apply to men.

That would be scary. But then again, we don’t need clues. We know it all already anyway.