The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

The official student newspaper of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire since 1923.

The Spectator

Fellas, find out how the date really went and if she’ll want to see you again

Hey, loverboy.

Think you scored big on Valentine’s Day? Big time, huh? But how can you be sure?

Not that it’s news to you, but what women really think remains one of the hardest mysteries to crack – especially this time of year.

Of course, you could just ask your girlfriend, but the chances she’d actually tell you are almost as good as finding a decent box of candy at 5 p.m. on Feb. 14.

Story continues below advertisement

So, if you want to know if your V-Day date is at home right now planning your wedding invitations or filing a restraining order against you, take my sure-fire Sargent Says love quiz.

On your date you wore:

A. The shirt she gave you for Christmas, the tie her mom gave you for your birthday and the Pokemon socks her 5-year-old sister gave you the first time you visited her house.

B. The sweater you weaved from the hair you shaved off her head when she was asleep.

C. The same thing you wore the first time you said, “I love you.”

D. The same thing you wear every Wednesday.

When you showed up at her house, you:

A. Sat outside her front door playing an Italian love song on your cello until she answered.

B. Hid in her closet the night before, jumped out while she was getting ready for your date and yelled, “Are you ready to go yet?”.

C. You walked right into her house, grabbed her without saying a word and carried her to the rented limo.

D. Ripped down her street in your ’84 Chevy Blazer honking your “Dukes of Hazzard” horn.

For gifts you:

A. Made personalized Valentines for each of her roommates, brought two dozen roses you’ve been growing all year and a box of expensive chocolates imported from Switzerland.

B. Carved “Samantha 4eva” in your chest. Your girlfriend’s name is Katie.

C. Ran all over town in your limo, stopping at significant places in the history of your relationship. At each stop you showered her with small gifts, like a rose spray-painted the exact color of her eyes, topped off by reading a poem you wrote for her.

D. Gave her a box of chocolates with all the bottoms bunched in and a plant you swiped from the mall’s food court.

For dinner you:

A. Took her to the most expensive, fancy-schmancy restaurant in the Twin Cities, ordered the two most expensive meals on the menu and hired a barbershop quartet to sing to her every time she swallowed a bite of her food.

B. You showed her your creativity and your sensitive side by catching a rabbit in her backyard and making homemade “Bugs Bunny” stew just like mom used to make.

C. Took her to the first restaurant you ever ate at together. You reserved a private candlelit table for two and had the same meal you ate on the first date pre-ordered.

D. After you jacked up a 14-year-old kid for a 10-spot, you take her to McDonald’s to split a 20-piece and a Super Size orange drink.

You ended the date by:

A. Playing your cello into the wee hours of the night until she falls asleep with a smile on her face.

B. Getting arrested after you slip into a blind, jealous, profane rage when “some guy” calls to wish his “Baby” a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” “Some guy” turns out to be her father the police chief.

C. Taking her back to her house, absent roommates (you paid them off) and lit by dozens of candles.

D. Her dumping the free refill of orange drink on your head after you grab her butt and ask, “Ready to shack up?”

If you answered mainly:

A. Dude, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but your girl’s cheating on you. After you “cello-ed” her to sleep she went out to She-Nannigans and got nasty with some dude from Stout. Sorry.

B. Don’t expect any conjugal visits … and your date says the restraining order is in the mail.

C. Well, aren’t you Mr. Suave. Congrats if you answered this just once, she was probably putty in your hands, unless you answered “D” for any of the questions.

D. Yeah, the McDonald’s thing hurt you, but wearing your NASCAR shirt with matching hat and belt buckle didn’t help. Your date was right, you listen to too much Kid Rock.

Well, I hope things went well for you guys out there. And if they didn’t, just think, you could go to Platteville where there’s seven chicks and they’re all engineers.

And you thought that “B” guy was scary.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

The Spectator intends for this area to be used to foster healthy, thought-provoking discussion. Comments are expected to adhere to our standards and to be respectful and constructive. As such, we do not permit the use of profanity, foul language, personal attacks or the use of language that might be interpreted as libelous. The Spectator does not allow anonymous comments and requires a valid email address. The email address will not be displayed but will be used to confirm your comments.
All The Spectator Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Activate Search
Fellas, find out how the date really went and if she’ll want to see you again