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How to go after your study abroad crush; is it normal not to have a best friend? Answers here

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Ask Away

Graphic created by Savannah Reeves

Graphic created by Savannah Reeves

Graphic created by Savannah Reeves

Graphic created by Savannah Reeves

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This week you asked about a study abroad crush crisis and the “best friend” phenomenon, so I gave you answers. Keep asking, Blugolds!

Q: I went to Costa Rica on study abroad over the past summer and there was a girl there I had a huge crush on. I wasn’t gonna ask her out there and be stuck with her if I got rejected but now I hardly ever see her and I didn’t get a number/snapchat. What do I do?

A: On one hand I fully understand your reasoning for not asking her out when you had the chance. A fear of rejection is something we all have and the vulnerable human in us naturally does everything they can to avoid having their feelings crushed. On the other hand, you’ll never know if it’s worth taking the risk unless you just go for it and find out. My advice to you is to find this girl. Clearly you’re still thinking about her and wanting to see her again so you might as well go for it. Not having her number is a bit of a problem but as far as lacking her Snapchat username, that’s probably for the best because, let’s be honest, no girl wants to be asked out over Snapchat anyway. If this girl lives near you, track her down! If you two spent a whole summer studying abroad together there has to be a way for you to find her via Facebook or through a mutual friend perhaps. Ask her out sincerely in person once you find her and I think she’ll be hard pressed to shoot you down.

Q: I realized the other day that I don’t have someone I would call my best friend, but it seems like everyone else around me does. I have plenty of friends but they all seem to already have a best friend. Is it weird that I don’t?

A: Society sometimes plants the idea in our heads that things should be a certain way and that we should have a best friend. Take iconic best friends Serena Van Der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf for example or One Tree Hill’s famous Brooke and Peyton duo. Not to mention the internet is chock full of articles titled something like “10 things only you and your bff will get.” So yeah, it’s not crazy that you’re wondering whether you’re normal for not having a best friend. Some people find someone they click with very early on in life and they manage to make that friendship stick. Great for them. Others will have many “best friends” throughout their life. We change as we grow older so it makes sense that we might outgrow someone we once considered to be our best friend. Other people may find a best friend later on in life or never at all. Maybe your best friend will be your mom or your husband and won’t come in the form that society tends to lean toward as the typical best friend.

You said that you have plenty of friends, so I would focus on that. If they are genuine and care for you like you care for them, then I don’t see a problem. In the end, you should learn to be your own best friend anyway, because being content with alone-time and loving yourself is arguably more important than finding your “other half.” Focus on the people you have surrounding you right now instead of narrowing in on what you think might be lacking!

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