Great Debate

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Boxers

I believe that underwear should be something that doesn’t constrain someone. That’s why I am a strong advocate of boxers over briefs.

Why should I wear briefs, which are tighter to the thigh and the waist, when I could wear a much more comfortable pair of boxers that lets me live my life unconstrained?

Thats a good question.

All I can say is, from the day I was old enough to start making my own underwear decisions, I became accustomed to boxers. I chose boxers over briefs simply because when wearing them you can almost forget they are on because they are so lightweight and comfortable.

In addition, boxers’ thinner material is much more breathable than the thicker cotton material briefs are made of.

Also, some men point to the opening in the front of the boxers that can be used as a quicker route to use when going to the bathroom. Some think that when wearing boxers this piece of the wardrobe might “malfunction.” However, in my years of wearing boxers never have I had an issue with such a thing.

I am someone who is all over the place on any given day being a journalist. Running to classes, interviews and work during all hours of the day and evening hours, I need something reliable around my waist that won’t make me uncomfortable.

That is exactly what boxers do for me. They let me live my life and thrive in my crazy lifestyle. Now briefs on the other hand, those will hold you back.

 

—Trent Tetzlaff, Sports Editor

 

Briefs

This is something of a sensitive topic so I’m going to use a series of vague statements, ham-fisted euphemisms and poorly contrived metaphors to make my point. I believe in briefs. I believe in briefs and you should too.

I learned the value of a nice pair of briefs when I was naught more than a lad in seventh grade. Middle school was a rough time for many of us so I’ll save you the graphic details and give you a completely different story than the truth.

One day I brought my pet snake to class. Now, I’d always been careful to keep my pet snake locked away in a cage so as not to scare the other kids and to keep my snake safe. But on that fateful day, the cage somehow got unlocked and my snake decided to peek out and venture off into the big, wide world unbeknownst to me, but much less unbeknownst to my classmates.

Oh, and I forgot to mention I was the leader of a group doing a class presentation on the economy of Brazil. It wasn’t until afterward my teacher pulled me aside to alert me to the location of my wayward snake, by which time I had irrevocably scarred the minds of 30 to 40 middle schoolers.

Anyway, what I’m try to say is that if I was wearing briefs and not boxers that day, the cage door wouldn’t have sprung open, my snake wouldn’t have escaped and I could have spent the rest of my school career without a reputation as an “open,” “lively” and “stand up” guy.

So ditch the boxers, my friends, and instead choose the snug-yet-not-too-snug embrace of a nice pair of briefs.

—Gabriel Lagarde, News Editor