Jetpacks

Real talk now, people: Every single kid in history who ever watched “Spy Kids” has always wanted to fly up in the sky with a jetpack. This is common sense.

If you had to choose between a jetpack or a flying car, just to fulfill your childhood dream alone, jet packs are clearly the superior choice.
Who hasn’t wanted to scream “blast off” in an applicable situation for once? Well, if you fly a jetpack, you can shout as you fly up into the air on this beautiful carrier that lifts you into the sky.

No more pretending to be a rocketship as you are jumping off the swing in mid air. You can actually fly into the sky this time, and it won’t be make believe. Think about how cool you will look.

When people ask you what superpower you wish you had, most people would say they wish they could fly. Well, if you choose to fly, being trapped inside a car completely takes away the thrill of it all. You could be an actual bird, feeling the wind not just blowing through your hair but your entire body. Be one with nature, be one with the earth, fly outside.

If one thing were to be made clear, it’s that jetpacks are just so much more practical. First of all, I am pretty sure they will take a lot less fuel than a colossal car. So, if you care about the environment, meaning you actually have a soul, then you would choose a jetpack over a car any day of the week.

If you look up jetpacks on the internet, they are currently selling for $6,000. However, flying cars don’t sell for anything on the internet, because they don’t exist. The world is already making the decision that jetpacks are superior.

Go on the jetpack side. Be one with the crowd. Listen to the world. Be a freaking bird.

— Bri Hageman, Staff Writer

Flying cars

I’m late, and I have to be at my grandma’s birthday in five minutes. With a regular, boring car it will take me an hour to get there. Good thing I just purchased a flying car.

The view is incredible. But wait, halfway through my trip it starts to sleet outside. Thank goodness my flying car is insulated and has heated seats, allowing my best silk gown that I’m wearing to the birthday party to be protected from the inclement weather and debris flying through the sky.

I think to myself: “I sure am glad I don’t have a jetpack, I would be soaking wet and probably get hit in the face with a rock.”

I remember just last week when I had decided to drive to the office but got stuck in traffic.

“There’s no way I’m gonna make it to my 8 a.m. meeting,” I thought. That’s when I remembered my car could fly and with the push of a button my car was freed from traffic and took to the sky. I was able to land atop my workplace and make it with time to spare.

This car is no Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, folks, it is tricked out. I’m the driver and I’m my own pilot. Who wants to go on vacation? I have four extra seats if anyone wants to go to Hawaii right now. We will save a ton of money on plane tickets. Weekend trips to the Dells with all your pals will require much less travel time and I’ll have much more waterslide time with this sick whip.

As I land in front of my grandma’s home right on time, with my gown unharmed, I realize my favorite part of driving a flying car is avoiding potholes completely.

Thanks, flying car, for always getting me wherever I want to go; in half the time and double the comfort.

— Andrea Montgomery, Staff Writer