Niagara’s New Girl

Competition brings out the weird side in everyone

More stories from Lauren Kritter

Niagaras New Girl

I didn’t understand the extent of what I was doing at the moment, but once I did it I couldn’t take it back.

It all started one evening when I labeled one of my roommates as being the strangest one in the house. The dictionary defines strange as “unusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.” Definitely not the nicest thing I’ve called someone.

I stated my opinion to the rest of the house once he was not in the room because I didn’t know if it would offend him or not. There was a pause and a confused “really?” that came from the peanut gallery.

I then proceeded to back up my statement with evidence as to why I believed this but was interrupted by a faint voice claiming that he wants to be known as the weirdest one. Although I used the adjective strange and not weird, I still wouldn’t look at it as a compliment.

What happened next was an unexpected twist of events. Our chill evening turned into a circus show. Although this house is really never chill, unless it’s Sunday morning because I usually don’t see a face until at least noon.

I had started a competition between them. All of them believed they were the weirdest one and wanted to prove it me.  UM, WHAT?

The next hour was definitely one of the strangest ones to occur since I’ve moved into my humble abode.

I had to sit through and witness one of my roommates in very tight and very short lime green spandex and a construction hat as he told me this was his outfit idea for Halloween this year.

Moments later, another one walks down the stairs wearing what I would say looked like a leotard. Why he owns something like this I do not know.

I then got to see him sport some of the favorites in his underwear collection as he modeled them for the whole house. Images of tuxedo-printed panties now haunt my brain at night. (I call them panties to paint the image in your head of their size.)

As they pranced around the house, I witnessed things they swore one day I would get used to.

I never ended up picking who I thought was the weirdest. I’m sure they will continue to prove to me that they all are in their own ways.

What was accomplished that night was the realization that I never have to pay for any form of entertainment ever again and boys are competitive creatures. Set them up in a contest and they will battle it out full force.

I also learned to keep my mouth shut next time to save myself from ever having to see the sight of so many white thighs again.